Pray Now Zimbabwe

3/9

Alright, so I’d say it’s about time for an update on my spiritual walk – seeing as this entire trip to Zimbabwe was sparked by my desire to know God on a deeper level. I have thus far hit rock bottom in my faith and lost all belief in a Higher Power and now am working my way back up from there. I’m building my own spiritual foundation, brick by brick, word by word, speaking with other people, reading the Bible and listening to other religious perspectives, and so forth. I am seeking for the truth – for my truth. I want to believe in something with substance and be able to truly accept it for myself, rather than just follow the path of least resistance.

I have so far only really known Christianity. Because of this exposure, that is obviously what I lean towards. To be quite frank, this is what I WANT to believe in and this is what I feel is the truth in my heart of hearts. But with that being said, I have reached a point where I need to search and find my beliefs in Christianity, or whatever, for myself. In the end, however, I think I will discover the truth to be along the lines of the Christian faith and teachings.

For some time that I’ve been here I doubted that there was even a God. I can’t say I supported Darwinism or any of those scientific beliefs or anything, but I just couldn’t logically grasp the idea of God. Reading the Bible, the stories seemed so impossible, so fictitious that it actually made me doubt even further for some time. It seemed to support my logic-seeking ideas that all these stories were so far-fetched that that’s all they must be – stories.

During this time of extreme doubt, I felt utterly alone and empty. If there is no God, then it really is me against the world. I continued to hope and seek and pray (even if it just felt like I was going through the motions and only speaking words to nothing but air). I prayed that God would open my heart to His truth and show Himself to me. I prayed for answers, or at least for my own personal ability to no longer NEED answers. I then started to recognize many things that were undeniably SOMETHING speaking to me. There were numerous signs that were impossible on a worldly standard. They were too perfect, too exactly created for ME – for Dani Stedman – that I couldn’t even pass them off as coincidences as my brain wanted to. No, God was answering my prayer and showing Himself to me in such a blatantly obvious manner.

Alright, so now I know that God exists. I know He is omnipresent and in everything and everyone. I now see Him in the sunrise and the smile on a child’s face. I see Him most clearly in nature, but I know that He is all around me and only good. I believe He is a God of LOVE and that He is all-powerful. I do not believe He is a God of hate or fear or jealousy. Yes, He is a jealous God and wants our love and full hearts, but He is not a God OF jealousy or anything else along those lines. Similarly, He is a God to fear, but He is not a God OF fear. He is almighty and able to do anything, but that doesn’t mean He promotes or believes in anything regarding this negativity or whatnot.

Ok, so there’s a step. I now truly know my God. He is real to me. But now I’m struggling with the idea of Jesus Christ and who exactly he is. I do believe Jesus is Christ, the Son of God and that he came down to earth to teach us and to die on the cross for our sins. The part where I’m not sure about is whether he is the ONLY way to Heaven. I think that if you believe in him, you will go to Heaven. It’s as simple as that – believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and you will have eternal life. The part that I haven’t quite accepted full-heartedly is the part where he says that it is only through believing in him that you will get to Heaven. I am having a tendency to think that maybe the other religions are praising the same God, and they are other venues for reaching Heaven. How is someone denied eternal life just because they are born into a different culture or haven’t had the same strong Christian-based upbringing that I have had? Perhaps there have been other prophets that are speaking the same truth, but God has sent down some other individual to make them relatable to this different culture? I really don’t know at this point what my opinion on the matter is, I’m stuck in the middle. I think that my heart is telling me that Jesus Christ is A way to Heaven, but not the ONLY way, and that these other religions (the ones of love) are other roads leading to the same God. But then again, my past and foundation and gut are all telling me that Jesus Christ is the one and only way, just like it says in the Bible. Hmmm… I’m seriously stuck at a crossroads in my faith right now, completely 50/50 in which route to follow or believe in. But you know, I’m not stressed out about it like I normally would be. I am putting this in God’s hands and just praying that He will show me the truth and open up my heart to what is honest and right. I will live my life and continue to seek and search for answers, but only as they come to me – not making this a burden for myself, but rather just another adventure to see where the Lord leads me. He is all-powerful and will guide my path exactly as it should be.

Mmkay, so that’s where I stand right here and now regarding my spiritual journey. I continue to appreciate all the wisdom and guidance that yall have to offer. I have gotten quite a few bits of feedback and really enjoy the different perspectives and ideals. It is great having a variety of thoughts and opinions so I can make a well-rounded decision and eventually end up exactly where I should be, rather than just stick with one basic concept because it’s all I know. And regardless of what I personally believe when all is said and done, it’s fascinating to learn about different religions or beliefs in general. This is such a defining, telling part about a person, so I feel blessed that people are opening up to me and giving me the opportunity to see into the depths of their hearts.

3/9

It feels so great to be alive and kicking once again! Sunday played out to be a lazy day filled with sitting out in the sun and listening to music/reading since I hadn’t much seen the outdoors for some time. It was hot, but much needed. Then Juliet’s boyfriend, Donald, came over so I visited with them for a bit and just basically hung out and watched TV or whatnot for a while. (It’s funny because if I ever find anything decent on TV, it happens to be something that was actually from three or four years ago back in America, or just the news from France or the UK.) Pastor Lovejoy was gone for most of the day so I was stuck at home again, but it was all good. I also had the opportunity to get almost caught-up with my e-mails and all of that fun stuff, even though the Internet took forever. After Donald left, Isaiah stopped in and we hung out for a while as Juliet prepared dinner and I was still trying to deal with the super slow Internet since we actually had it at least. I took a break to help Juliet in the kitchen as she prepared pumpkin leaves, chicken drumsticks, rice, and some stew. We also had to fetch some water from the well because the water went out right after my bath on Saturday and hasn’t returned.

(Oh, and I’m adding this in later: Mbuya Evelyn is gone so we prepared breakfast this morning (Monday). As I was in the kitchen cooking some eggs, I STEPPED on a rat! How this came about, God only knows. It must’ve been one slow, stupid rat and my timing was just perfect, but either way it was absolutely repulsive to feel the squishy body under my bare foot. I pulled my foot up the second it registered in my brain what had just happened and the rat managed to scamper away, but not without leaving some mushy substance on my foot. For the rest of the morning I couldn’t get the feeling of that rat’s squirming body under my foot. Ew, ew, ew!!!)

Then yesterday, Monday, was spent at the Institute as usual, but I still managed to get some fun in. It was a busy, busy day, but I am thrilled to be feeling good again so I wanted to take advantage of it, even though I did have a lot of computer work to get done. I visited with the kids at the preschool for a bit when we first arrived. It’s always a bit bittersweet dealing with them because I have found ways to play and interact with them even with the language barrier, but then I still am lacking almost any authority because of it. We played around in the courtyard for a little while, but then when it was time for me to get back to work, I had to face the difficulties of getting them to leave me alone. I am trying to figure out how to play with them and then communicate and get them to actually respond to let me be once the playtime is done. As is everything else here, this is a work in progress. These are some spunky kids that all seem to have a mind of their own. I’m just glad to see them with the opportunity to actually experience some bit of a childhood while most of the kids here are at home raising their siblings, even if they are only 5 years old themselves. Or they’re busy working to keep the family alive. But these kids are learning and laughing and praising God on a daily basis. What a blessing!

After some more office work, Juliet and I opted to go for a little walk since the sun was so clearly calling to us. Such a lovely day cannot be spent entirely inside! Plus we needed to stretch our legs. Ok, so this probably wouldn’t be quite applicable at a regular job, but I mean this is volunteer work and I was working my butt off to get everything done so that I could make time for a little break. I work during my lunch hour every day anyways and just eat while I’m working. I would like to reason that I deserved this self-given, much-needed break. And in my attempt to justify it even further, upon hearing that we were excusing ourselves to do so, one of the women that was visiting the center asked us to go purchase some lunch and airtime for her. So really, we ended up doing some work anyways. Basically we dominate.

Needless to say, it felt incredible to get out. We walked a little ways in search of the little restaurant the woman told us about where she wanted us to buy her food. Along the route we witnessed some interesting things as usual. For one, we saw this woman who was strangely holding her baby along the side of the road. I didn’t understand what she was doing, but Juliet explained that she was holding the little girl to poop on the side of the road. Once it was pointed out, I could then clearly see the little bum hanging out and other stuff that was not so lovely. The thing is, the woman didn’t even try to hide it or move her to a location that may be a little more discreet or at least a little less likely to be stepped in. Oh no, she was full-moon right along the edge of the road where people walk. I’m just thankful that I’m not the lucky person to discover that package.

We also came across a mentally insane man and a few other um, different, sights. Unfortunately, I am so overwhelmed with new things that I can’t even remember everything that went on yesterday to share. Sorry. But it was a good time had by all. We finally found the little restaurant after searching around in a quieter (but still active) little corner of shops and stores and markets. This was obviously a locals’ restaurant, which are rare to find since very few local people eat out. I don’t think it even had a name, and it was definitely hidden. It was really interesting to see what would be considered a true Zimbabwean restaurant. It was really small and like I said, hidden away with just a small entrance and no advertising. There were about five tables total outside, but in this closed in area with a covering over most of it. The “kitchen” was also outside. It was in its own little area, but still right there for everyone to see. The kitchen consisted of a long fire “stove” thing with lots of big pots of sadza, rice, chicken, beef, collard greens, etc. It was actually really small in itself. There was also a table set out with a little wash-bin and pitcher of water as a wash station for people to wash their hands. Once again, people were shocked to see me in such an area. I was absolutely fascinated by the whole thing, though.

**Pictures of restaurant

We got the woman’s take-out, which consisted of a big slab of sadza, some beef, and a little jot of greens. It was put in a Styrofoam to-go box similar to what you’d find back home. The entire meal costs $1, which I thought was a good price.

**Picture of take-out

We brought the food back to the woman and I returned to work. The entire adventure took about 15 minutes total. I think it was 15 minutes well spent. We had a nice time and helped out. Not to mention, Juliet and I continued to bond and grow closer and more comfortable with one another. It’s so nice having her to watch and learn from. I admit she gets on my nerves at times with her constant singing or whatnot, but I recognize that when that is the case, it really is completely ME. If I’m ever annoyed with her, it almost always doesn’t really have anything to do with her, it’s just me in a bad mood and taking it out on her. I’m learning to see this trend in myself and direct my ill thoughts or whatnot away from her because she is such a caring, genuine person that she never deserves them. I need to quit taking out my frustrations or whatever on the people I love, which I tend to do so because I know they’re the ones that will take it. For instance, my poor mom tends to get the brunt of all my frustrations. It never actually has anything to do with her, but I have a tendency to put on a happy face for the rest of the world or just be quiet or something, and then snap at her over nothing. I’m truly ashamed with myself for this. It’s like I know she is the one person that will love me and stay by my side no matter what, so I take advantage of that. I also know that she recognizes this in me and is able to take it with a grain of salt, but regardless, she shouldn’t have to. How messed up is it that I treat the one that I love the most the worst? I have seen myself doing the same thing to Juliet at times. Or rather, even if I don’t actually treat her poorly, I direct my negative thoughts in her direction when she deserves nothing but the best. I really have seen myself progress in this area though. I am catching myself and consciously changing my actions and thinking through the matter so as to change my thoughts as well. I can’t deny that I still have much work to do though.

Man, once again I got sidetracked big time. I guess I might as well continue on the topic of Juliet and my relationship for a second while I’m here… it’s funny how strong of a connection we’ve formed. She is a very reserved, quiet girl in nature, whereas I’m fairly outgoing and sometimes outspoken as well. It has developed into one of those relationships where we finish each other’s sentences – or rather, I answer for her on many occasions. She talks to me all the time and sometimes won’t shut up (but I say that only in the best manner because it’s always enjoyable). With other people, however, she doesn’t even answer direct questions a lot of the time. It has gotten to the point where I know her well enough that I answer for her when I can tell she isn’t going to answer. At the same time, though, I urge her to answer more and more often even when I know she’s uncomfortable or doesn’t plan to. It’s like I’m here to protect her and stand up for her, but I also want to see her flourish and become more confident at the same time. It’s cute how alike we’ve grown. We will be out together or in the car with Pastor Lovejoy or something and I will feel a nudge at my side. Literally, she just nudges me all the time and I know exactly what she’s thinking or what she’s trying to tell me. We will both see the same thing and without even saying a word, we’ll burst out laughing, knowing that we’re on both thinking the same thing or find the same little thing humorous. It’s things that other people wouldn’t even notice or think about even. And not to mention we’ve grown to the point where we can share with each other the thoughts and opinions that are completely secret or taboo – things that normally we would never dare speak out loud. Again, we are always thinking the same things as well. Like we both think so-and-so is a home-wrecker and spending too much time around one of the guys that is getting married soon, and he is far too innocent and sweet to ever recognize her intentions. Or even things that are far too secret to ever mention outside of our conversations. It’s interesting how so different we are in personalities and backgrounds and cultures, yet we seem to pick up on the same things – things that I guarantee no one else would ever think of. Our dynamics are very strange in many respects, but at the end of the day she is definitely my African sister, no doubt.

Alright, enough gushing about Juliet – back to my day yesterday. At the end of work yesterday, poor Sekuru Stan got sick. I could tell he wasn’t feeling well at the end and he admitted to having a bad headache. He then proceeded to go outside and get sick in some bushes as we were about to leave to drop the kids off at their houses. Lovejoy told us he was going to do all of that and had to return to the Institute anyways to pick up some stuff that Michael was still using, but I opted for us to join in the ride anyways. Like I said, a beautiful day is meant to be enjoyed and I love any chance of getting out and experiencing some possible adventure.

We all piled into the bed of the truck, which now serves as car, carrier, school bus, and so much more. (We are still borrowing it since there isn’t enough money to repair Pastor Lovejoy’s car. I don’t know how much longer we’ll be allowed to borrow it though, so we will most likely be car-less soon enough. Ah!) It must have been quite a site to see about 8 or 9 little kids, plus four or five of us girls – including a white girl, and then a teacher or two, all crammed into the bed of this truck. My bum and tailbone was being wrecked against the hard metal of the truck with every bump, but I’m still glad we joined along for the journey. Even after everyone had been dropped off and the inside front seats were available, Juliet and I still decided to remain in the bed of the truck (on the little bench that Sekuru Stan built-in so it was a bit more comfortable) because it was so pretty outside.

Before returning to the center to pick up the rest of the people and supplies, we made a little detour to pick up a television from Pastor Lovejoy’s extended family member to drop off at another family member’s house. We stopped inside to visit for a little while (as it seems to be the custom – you ALWAYS visit. Human interaction is so much more valued here). I don’t know if you may remember Alice, but she had been one of the girls at the Farm (orphanage) before. This was her house, where she normally lived with her mother and grandmother. She was here during our visit, but has more so moved to stay with her aunt, who is married to Pastor Lovejoy’s brother where they live at the Farm. (Confusing details of how everyone is related, sorry.) Her mother, Ellen, has stage-four cancer and is very, very ill. Juliet and I sat in the little sitting area while Pastor Lovejoy went in to speak with Ellen. After a little bit, he called us in to visit with her as well. Now of course I was going to go, but I was hesitant and nervous about how to handle such a frail, sick woman. I have always been known to have great people-skills and get along well with others, but it just doesn’t even begin to compare to how loving and comfortable people are with one another here. Juliet, who had also never met Ellen before, was pleased to go in and meet her.

We walked into a small room and found this stick-thin, frail woman lying in her bed. She was obviously naked, but hidden under blankets. (I found out later that she’s actually paralyzed from the waist down.) I was expecting to experience the typical hospital room-type interaction – where you are loving and almost showing pity and hope towards this sick person, while they are understanding of your discomfort and almost showing pity towards you that you don’t know how to respond. You know what I mean? Where it’s almost like the visitor is standing on thin ice, while the ill person is playing the role of comforter and reassuring them that everything is ok, rather than the other way around. I don’t know if I’m making any sense, but hopefully you get the picture. Well, this was not the case. Ellen obviously was very weak and in lots of pain, but she shone like an angel. She was happy and full of life, even under the physical exterior of fatigue. She was a complete delight to be around, even if I was awkward and didn’t know exactly what to say or do. Juliet, however, had that typical Zimbabwean sense of friendliness and love and was able to over-look all the difficult circumstances and just be there for her and love on her. It was really quite fascinating to watch – like a whole new experience in itself.

We eventually left with the TV and Juliet and I again rode in the back, although this time it was more so to keep an eye on the television. I volunteered us to sit in the back again and allow Sekuru Stan to ride up front because he was still sick. I don’t think Juliet was too fond of my stance, but did end up staying back there with me and another woman and her son that we dropped off. It was another fun ride home, although the weather cooled off quickly as the sun went down. We had to stop at Pastor Lovejoy’s brother’s house (Treat’s place) to drop off the TV. Once again, we hung around there for a bit while they all visited. Juliet and I were anxious to get going because Mbuya Evelyn went to visit her sick mother in the rural area so we still had to get back and cook dinner and it was already late and getting dark and we were hungry and probably without electricity back home. Rather than let my nerves build up, however, I used it as a chance to talk with Treat for a little bit. She extended an invitation on her sister’s behalf for me to join her sister and friend on a great trip in April. I hope it works out! We also discussed my possible visiting her in South Africa since she’s returning there for school probably this week.

It was finally time to go so Juliet and I hopped back into the bed of the truck and prayed to get home quickly – especially since it was growing increasingly cold by the minute. We had a bumpy ride back and were tossed around, but all we could focus on was how dang cold it had gotten! She was wearing Pastor Lovejoy’s suit jacket, while I had on my windbreaker. We were both bundled up as tightly as possible and huddled up close to one another for body heat. It was probably in the 60’s by this time, which in Dani’s temperature gage is equivalent to about the 40’s for a normal person. (I don’t handle the cold very well…) Along with the wind from riding in the back, Juliet and I thought we were in hell!

We didn’t end up getting to pick up my package from the post office, either, because it was too late. Pastor Lovejoy did stop off at the grocery store for a second to let me run in and buy the necessary yogurt and fruit to keep my body working properly. We were in a hurry so I just ran in, grabbed two yogurts and three pears, and left it at that for now. We finally got home around 7 pm with sore behinds, chattering teeth, rumbling tummies, and no electricity or water. Not to mention no food in the refrigerator. Juliet and I prepared what little we could find as quickly as possible over the gas stove. (And I seared off a patch of hair on my arm thanks to cooking by candlelight.) Pastor Lovejoy and Juliet had a bunch of sadza and the little bit of beef that we could conjure up. I, on the other hand, can’t much eat the sadza because it will stop me up in two seconds, plus there wasn’t much, not to mention that I just plain don’t like it at all. I heated up the little bit of rice that was left over from the night before for myself. I had gone to restroom real quick and when I came back out, the plates were made and I found three bite-sized pieces of meat left for myself. (There wasn’t hardly any in total anyways.) So my dinner was about half a cup of white rice with three tiny pieces of fatty beef. It seriously looked like the leftovers of someone’s full meal that had just been left on the plate. To add to the joys of my dinner, there was no water left so I had nothing to drink. Thank God I had purchased those pears earlier because that ended up being the remainder of my dinner, along with a package of tuna fish I still had from what I brought with me from home. Ugh! You know what, though? Even as stinky of a situation as this measured out to be, I still was in a good mood and made the best of it.

At the same time, I have to say that I do have a new respect for how much Mbuya Evelyn does around the house and how vital of a role she plays (fetching water when we run out, doing laundry, cleaning, cooking meals, doing dishes, putting away our breakfasts, etc.)

Amongst all the mess of last night, one positive thing happened. Brittany, the missionary here from New York that I’d met in the D.C. airport, texted me. She invited me to join her group at their house for dinner one night this week. She has even offered to come pick me up and asked what food I’ve been really missing so they can prepare it! (Although I told her I’m really just happy with the company and all she’s offering me anyways so whatever they make will be a surprise.) She had invited me to meet her in town for coffee yesterday, but I had work so she’s been extremely flexible and generous with figuring out a way for us to get together. Gah, I’m so excited! I think we’re leaning towards making the plans for me to join them for dinner at their house tomorrow evening. Score!

Ok, so that’s everything that’s been going on so far this week. Today I woke up extra early to prepare breakfast and I used the fact that Mbuya Evelyn is gone so I don’t have to avoid her as an opportunity to cook a proper lunch for myself to bring to work. Again, we don’t have any food so I thank God that I have purchased and stored away a few things for myself. I know, it’s so selfish, but honestly I feel like I need to take care of myself at the same time. I don’t know, do you think it’s selfish? I want the honest, brutal truth.

Then we head to town to pick up my package from the post office. It turns out we went to the wrong post office, so now Lovejoy is going to that area of town for a meeting anyways so he’s going to try to pick it up this afternoon. He had to meet with his brother-in-law there anyways, so Juliet and I sat in the car and had fun people-watching while the two men met. It was funny seeing the diverse group of individuals that walked by, including a white man who was clearly mentally ill and would be considered the typical “hobo” in America. We were both surprised in this because he’s the first non-upper-class-type white person we’ve seen. He was something else, too. He was all dirty and hairy and had on ratty clothes that didn’t match. He was stopping everyone he passed and spent some time yelling or something at a group of men that were sitting around. Of course we couldn’t hear what he was saying or even know for sure that he was yelling, but it was amusing nonetheless. So that was our morning and now I’m at the Institute and taking a break from my office work to write this before I forget everything.

3/7

Wow, who in the world knew so many people would be interested in my restroom activities! To answer the numerous questions, yes, whatever the doctor prescribed was effective. I spent an immeasurable amount of my time yesterday on the toilet. Thank God no one was home yesterday except for me. I was embarrassed even just for myself – I don’t even want to think what it would’ve been like if someone were actually there to witness what went down. Well, Mbuya Evelyn did experience her fair share of seeing me dart to the bathroom and once or twice I had to jump in there while she was in the middle of doing laundry or something in there herself. I don’t want to sound like an egotistical brat or like I’m completely clueless like that Outkast song “Caroline” or whatever, but I will state that luckily for Mbuya Evelyn’s sake, it really didn’t stink. That would’ve been even worse for everyone’s sake. And also praise God that there was running water for majority of the day yesterday so the toilet would flush. It stopped flowing last night just as things were winding down.

Ok, enough about such a disgusting topic. Well, let me just add one last thing – I had always kind of thought that “sharting” was a joke before, like someone had just made it up for movies or crude humor or something. I discovered first-hand yesterday afternoon that it is not a mythical act. It wasn’t really anything, but it was SOMETHING. I’m aware that this is absolutely TMI and I’ll probably never get asked out on another date again in my entire life, but I just have to throw that out there. And that I plan to do my laundry alone for this next time.

Now I’m seriously done with that issue. Point is, I am now cleansed and hopefully back to full health. There wasn’t too much else going on in my life yesterday that’s note worthy. (How sad is my life that the most exciting thing is my crap?) Juliet was at church all day and Pastor Lovejoy was gone as well. I got to prepare my own lunch, which was interesting since we have literally no food at all. There was nothing to heat up from previous meals and the only ingredients available were three or four really small potatoes from the garden, a tomato, eggs that the chickens have laid, and one or two pieces of bread. There had been two apples left as well, but I found those under the kitchen table full of rat bites. Yum. Rather than be discouraged, I found this as a fun challenge to figure out what to prepare with such random options. I ended up using the potatoes to make seasoned French fries that were actually really good and an egg and tomato sandwich. It was an interesting lunch, but I would definitely eat it again sometime if given the choice. I’m learning some different cooking techniques/recipes that will be fun to try when I return home when I have more resources. And I completely plan on cooking a huge, traditional African feast for my friends and family upon my arrival home as well, so be prepared!

I tried to continually drink lots of water as well, as the doctor instructed. This was a bit difficult since any drinking water must be boiled first, so I was going through it quicker than there was time for it to cool down properly in the refrigerator. But alas, I was drinking as much luke-warm water as I could bare to take down.

It’s somewhat ironic that the water for drinking is warm, while the water for bathing is typically cold. I don’t think I quite like this. Luckily for me, however, there was hot water yesterday! Mind you, there wasn’t any cold water so it was scalding hot, but I was able to add a bucket of cold water to make it bearable. Turns out I took my bath just in the knick of time as well since the water cut out just as I was beginning to refill that bucket after my bath. I didn’t have much else to do so I used this opportunity with hot water to shave. Yes, it was time for my monthly shaving – what a glorious day! (Ok, I actually do shave under my armpits more often than that, but my legs are not quite as fortunate.) It’s pretty sad when your leg hair is so long that you have to go over each section twice; once to just thin it out enough so that you can actually get through it all on the second time around. Again, so sexy to think about, huh? But as disgusting and Amazon-like as all of this sounds, I’m fortunate enough to have very thin, light hair so the reality is that no one could even tell that I had hairy legs unless they were really focusing on it. I actually have been wearing shorts without shame. I more so shave my legs for my own benefit because it just feels sooo liberating and smooth. So basically I’m just a whole new woman at this point – clean hair, silky smooth legs, empty G.I. system – the works! Just in time too, because the rats seem to be getting large enough that I may be their next companion. Ek!

I was actually up half the night last night trying to fend those guys off! Well, not technically, but it felt that way. I’m so paranoid about these things that I jumped up at every sound of them to scare it away from gnawing through my suitcase or getting into my little stash of tuna or whatnot. They are so gross! I was also terrified that the second I fell asleep one would take advantage of it and join me in my bed. I hate these things! Apparently Pastor Lovejoy is not a huge fan either since he went rat hunting last night. There are a couple of mouse traps laying around, but so far they’ve only managed to get Mbuya Evelyn once and Juliet once – no rats. Last night, however, I heard one rat start freaking out, quickly followed by Lovejoy’s bedroom door creak open and him running into the kitchen. I heard a little more commotion and was fairly sure he caught one. This morning I was informed that he actually managed to get four of the nasty buggers last night. Atta’ boy, Lovejoy.

I also woke up this morning to discover that a package has arrived for me! Or “parcel” rather. Pastor Lovejoy handed me a little slip of paper regarding the package and tomorrow we’ll go pick it up hopefully. I imagine it’s the “tester” package that my mom sent when I first arrived to see if shipping anything would actually be an option. I was told that the postal people go through all the packages and keep for themselves anything worthwhile, so we shall see how this turns out. I’m just excited to see that it actually got here! Hallelujah!

3/5

It’s Friday and I’m stuck at home once again. This time is for a good reason though. Yesterday was a continuation of my African healthcare endeavors. Now, I have already visited Dr. Stack and that went well, gotten my lab work done, and then I had to go see another doctor that Dr. Stack referred me to. I was trying to keep the details of my health on the DL because they are extremely embarrassing, but my mom kind of let the cat out of the bag already on my behalf, so I guess it’s only fair that I’m blatantly honest. So here goes…

I have experienced extreme fatigue and gotten really weak, especially after exerting myself physically in any way. I got nauseated for about a week last week or the week before. I had lots of pain in my gut at some points and just haven’t felt well at all. Then to top it off, I have been getting very frustrated with myself for not being able to actually work or do anything worthwhile because I get faint/shaky so easily. It seemed to never let up either. And I guess the hidden bit of information I was trying to save everyone from knowing is that I haven’t had a bowel movement since I’ve been here, and even a bit before that. So basically I’ve gone about 45 days without pooping. Mmmm, sorry boys – I’m sure this doesn’t bring out my femininity too much, huh? I don’t exactly want to talk about it either, but I think it’s only fair to keep people out of the dark.

Ok, so the doctor that Dr. Stack referred me to was a G.I. specialist, Professor Gaingadzo. I called his office on Wednesday to set up an appointment, but the receptionist informed me that he doesn’t take appointments. She said that it was a first-come, first-serve basis and to come in any time between 8 am and 5 pm. Ok, so Juliet and I were walking into his office at 8:30 am ready to go. Well, the receptionist then decided to inform me that Professor Gaingadzo was out of the office and that I must make an appointment to see him. Cool. By this time Pastor Lovejoy had already gone after just dropping us off – plus it was raining.

Well, there was really nothing else to do – especially since I was dealing with another extremely rude receptionist (I guarantee if people behaved like this in the States, they would be fired in two seconds) – so I simply set up an appointment at the earliest time available. I was scheduled for 3 pm later that day (yesterday, Thursday). Juliet and I caught Pastor Lovejoy while he was still in town to come pick us up and he dropped us off at the Institute to work while he went to meetings during the day.

I had left my laptop at home because I didn’t want to carry it throughout town, plus I figured I’d be at the doctor so I wouldn’t be at work too long anyways. So rather than work on office work, I went in and volunteered to hang out and play with the kids attending the LEAD Academy preschool. They continue to multiply by the day; there are now about 7! The teacher was focusing on teaching body parts today, so we sang some songs and did some activities involving the different body parts. It is tough dealing with the kids when we can’t communicate, especially since I can’t discipline them, but it was better having the teacher there at least. One or two of the girls were still somewhat intimidated by me because of the color of my skin, but for the most part the kids all swarmed me and fought for my attention. I could tell that being in the classroom and participating in the activities motivated them to follow suit as they were excited to have me involved and doing the same thing as them. And then I was actually able to be a big help when the teacher asked the kids to put everything away and they weren’t doing so immediately, I turned to the good ol’ Barney and started singing the “Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere…” song. The kids immediately jumped into action and sang along pretty well. It made it fun and they learned some more English and did a great job at picking up in a timely manner. The teacher was even impressed and asked me to write down the words of the song for her. It was great to actually feel a little helpful for once when I don’t think the teacher is too fond of me at this point because all she’s even known of me is to sit around (even if I was actually doing useful work) or be at the doctor’s office.

After hanging with the kids for about 45 minutes I was starting to get worn out again. Ugh, I miss having some energy! I “marched, marched, marched like a soldier” the kids to the restroom and then snuck away to rest and do some office work for a bit. Juliet and I also went to buy some more bread for lunch. We just walked a short distance to one of the many women sitting on the side of the road. She was really nice, although it still throws me off a bit how I constantly am walking up on women going about their business with a baby hanging on their nipple. She was just talking to us and getting the change and all while her breast was completely hanging out and milk was dripping down the adjacent side. I don’t know, I haven’t quite gotten used to this one yet, but I guess it is just a part of life if you think about it.

We got two loaves of bread and Juliet also wanted to buy some airtime, so the women told us which house to go to in order to purchase some. We stopped at this bright blue little house that had a big dog (looking starved as they all do here) sitting inside of an unlocked gate. Juliet and I looked at each other and were like no way are we going in there with that guy watching us! Juliet called over to a group of people that were hanging out on the side of the road near the house (a teenage girl, two or three little kids, and two guys in their mid-twenties). One of the little kids was a boy about three years old. He was adorable! The teenage girl walked over with us to the house, as did the little boy. He laughed at us and in Shona he teased us for being scared of the dog. This little boy (that I honestly was surprised could even walk so well he was so young) confidently opened up the gate, picked up a rock, and started giggling as he threw it at the dog and watched him trot away. I felt bad for the dog, but the boy was just having a ball being our knight in shining armor. He then walked into this random person’s house and told her what we needed and came back out, picked up an old tin can lying around, and threw it at the poor dog again. He then strutted back out of the gate and soon after another teenage girl came out and sold Juliet the airtime she wanted. It was quite a cute/interesting/funny scene in all.

We then head back to the Institute with mission complete. There, I helped to prepare lunch – sadza and soya mince. The teacher, who is actually Pastor Lovejoy’s sister and a very good teacher (she’s been doing it for years), is not my favorite person so far. She is a nice woman, but I don’t feel too welcomed by her at this point. To be honest, though, I can’t really blame her. She works hard and then to see this American girl that has come to work, yet is practically always just sitting around (she’s only been here since after all this exhaustion kicked in) has got to be irritating. And the first day when she prepared lunch and I didn’t realize that an actual lunch was being served now and had brought my leftover pizza for lunch, that was not good at all. Now every single day she mentions the dang pizza and in a mocking voice she asks “so did you bring your pizza today??” Apparently she also was talking with the other women about how I must have all this money if I can afford pizza all the time and am too good for their food. I don’t think she fully understood that it was a one-time thing and that it was just leftovers and all the details. Anyways, she now mentions it every day and it is starting to really irritate me how she does it and expects me now to have all this money and buy them all this stuff. I’m trying to just let it slide off my back and not get bothered by it and I’m waiting for the right opportunity to really just let her know that I’m not made of money and it’s not like “that”, although I have mentioned it a couple of times when she makes her stupid pizza comments. Oh well, I seem to not be the best with my first-impressions in many instances here, but I imagine she’ll understand me better as time goes on. It was good for her to see me cooking at least, especially since it was another woman’s job but I volunteered to take over.

Ok, well I didn’t actually cook all by myself. Barbara handled most of the sadza because I’ve never actually seen it cooked before. That stuff is hard work to prepare. It’s simple, but takes muscle to stir it in a special way as it firms up. It ends up to be dough-like and at the end I could barely get the wooden spoon through it even once, so Barbara just laughed and took over. She has a very fun-loving spirit and just laughs whenever I do something wrong or whatnot, rather than judge me or make me feel bad about it. She teaches me and is understanding. And from what Juliet tells me or translates for me, Barbara (aka Mi Pamela) is absolutely hilarious and down-to-earth and I think if we didn’t have the language barrier, we’d be the best of friends! Anyways, so she muscled through the sadza and then Juliet took me step-by-step through preparing the soya mince. I did the actual work, but I couldn’t have done it without her. The stuff starts out as like big chunks of sawdust (at least that’s what it reminded me of…), but then when you’re all done it could easily be mistaken for shredded chicken. You basically just add a TON of cooking oil, soften it up while cooking it to a golden brown, then we stewed up some diced tomatoes and onions with more oil and some beef flavoring and added the two together to simmer for some time. By the end, the hard, chalky ground-up soya beans are now soft and full of flavor and very good. I want to make some myself though and substitute some of the oil for water because it was literally grossing me out as I was eating it with how much oil was slopping all over my plate. I think that’s just something I’ll have to play with, but now that I have the basic idea of how to prepare it, I can do that sometime. That is, if Mbuya Evelyn will ever actually let me cook for myself when it’s just me. She is happy to do so for Juliet – wants it that way, even – but I guess it’s just the culture that it’s not acceptable for me to do so. I’ll find an opportunity to some day though, although I’ll have to be thoughtful about when/how I approach it so as to not offend or threaten her in any way. Mbuya is an awesome cook (not to mention all the other jobs she does), so I don’t want to ever give her the impression that I don’t appreciate what she does in any way.

Ok, wow, I’ve so majorly gotten off my point here. I’m trying to lead through yesterday’s journeys, namely the medical part. So after lunch, Juliet and I caught a taxi back to town in order to make my 3 o’clock doctor appointment. This time we actually rode in an actual taxi, not one of the crazy ETs. I actually get a thrill out of those, but Juliet prefers a little more “sophisticated” lifestyle, so she found an affordable taxi to take us back into town. It costs $1 per person rather than the 50 cents per person that an ET would cost. And time-wise, it was probably the better choice since either way they both would just drop us off at the same central location of town and we’d have to walk the rest of the way to the doctor. I don’t know how easily we could’ve caught an ET (fairly easily I imagine, but you never know…), so it worked. We arrived in town and got the typical commotion as we made our way to the medical avenue. One guy grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go even though I was using all my force to get it away, but at least he was just doing it in an innocent manner, although from what Juliet translated for me he was not the more moralistic man we’ve encountered. Juliet instructed me to just not make eye contact with anyone or frown if they try to talk to me and not answer, which is good advice I’m sure, but I just can’t. I am a friendly person and I see how much it touches each person when they have an American associate and even act lovingly towards them. For a lot of the kids, it’s their first time to experience such a thing. So I have taken Juliet’s advice for what it is and will follow it in certain areas of town or with certain people, but in general I have to continue being myself. But a SMART, intuitive version.

We arrived at the West End Clinic at 2:40 and made our way back to Professor Gaingadzo’s office. The same woman was at the little desk and was a bit more welcoming this time. As we went through and she filled out my paperwork, however, her not-so-loving self came through again. She asked for my address here, which is a long story in itself, but basically in turn I’m not exactly sure what the address is for certain reasons. She asked Juliet what it was then, and when Juliet said she wasn’t too sure either, the woman looked at us with disgust and said, “How do you not know your address? Are you thieves?” Oh well, I just gave her an address to the best of my abilities and hopefully it’s not too far off. At least it allowed us to move forward. She tried to charge me $400 for a colonoscopy but I told her I was just there for a consultation and didn’t have the money for that, nor do I plan to get one here since my budget is limited. This, too, was obviously not the answer she wanted to hear, but so be it. So I coughed up the $70 for the consultation and sat down amongst the ten or so people already waiting there. I sat next to a woman who looked like she was going to pop any second she was so pregnant. She was wearing a bright yellow dress and for some reason I just thought she looked so beautiful with her natural hair (which is normally considered, maybe, “lower class” at times to sport), her dark skin against the bright yellow, and her big baby-bump. The poor girl, probably about 25 years old, kept squirming around, obviously very uncomfortable or in pain or something. Adjacent to me sat an older woman in her tradition African attire. She stared shamelessly at me for a solid five minutes or so as I walked past her and then as I was seated there waiting. I smiled at her, which seemed to surprise her and it took her a second to fully grasp the reality of such before she smiled back with light gleaming in her eyes. I then found an old magazine stuffed up in a little basket and browsed it while she continued to stare. Whereas Dr. Stack’s office was comprised of all foreigners, this place had all locals, so I guess I stuck out a bit. I flipped through the articles about Britney and Justin Timberlake dating (yes, it was THAT old) and had another fun stroll through memory lane as I waited. The room was filled with people – one woman was fast asleep and snoring in her seat, another woman was so old I thought she was going to keel over as she slowly made her way to her seat, a dad was looking very compassionate towards her young school-uniform-wearing daughter and holding her hat that was also part of the uniform. I love people watching, so I was set between that and the ancient magazine. It was probably about 3:40 when I was actually called in to see the doctor. He was a younger, local man that was very professional and down-to-business, although he did it in a very friendly manner. He was distraught that I hadn’t done anything about my “issue” earlier, and informed me that not even laxatives or an enema would be effective at this point. He prescribed me something to drink half of and then 24 hours later drink the second half. He told me it would “work like a charm”, to which I replied “I never thought I’d be so excited to hear that I’d be having a bowel movement.” He laughed and started to open up a bit, telling me about his visit to Baylor University after asking which state I’m from. I could tell it wasn’t typically his nature to socialize with the patients, but it was really nice to see and he even gave me a free sample of something for if I “have any problems in the future” that way I won’t have to come see him again or have to buy one myself. Oh joy, I’m getting free pooping products! Err…

I thanked him and went downstairs to the pharmacy to pick up my prescribed solution. The woman working the pharmacy desk was a bit confusing, but she was obviously doing her best and was friendly so no complaints here. The medicine was only $15 so I was able to purchase it at the time, which was definitely an answer to prayer. The sooner I can get this stuff done and over with, the sooner I can get back to my life! She handed me one of those plastic bags that you see hanging in hospitals, hooked up to people’s IVs. I was a bit confused, as was she apparently, but we managed to decide that I was supposed to snip the “injection tube” as we agreed to call it and just drink 200 mL from that, tie it up, then finish the next 200 mL exactly 24 hours later.

To give the lowdown on what’s going on with my health, apparently because I haven’t had a bowel movement in over 45 days, the stool has now become an absolute rock and my body has started to “reabsorb toxins from the gut that can actually make [me] ill… it would explain everything, fatigue chief amongst symptoms.” And to be quite frank, I have not had the most active GI system for some time now, although it never made me feel actually constipated so I just disregarded it and didn’t know why I was experiencing a lack of energy. I figured it was just a result of my busy schedule and stress-filled life. I’m actually really excited to have this easy-solution answer that will hopefully really help. Like I said, it is a true answer to prayers as that’s what I was praying for – an answer, but if it were a simple solution, that would be incredible! Thank you Jesus!

Anywho, so after the appointment, Juliet and I hung around the clinic for a bit until Pastor Lovejoy could come pick us up. He took us with him to his weekly Intercessors Meeting. It is a meeting where people gather to discuss what needs to be prayed about and to actually do a lot of prayer. I have to be honest, Juliet and I did not want to go at all, and it was a bit uncomfortable, but very interesting at the same time. The meeting took place actually in a psychiatric ward and the room was in an old mental patient room I believe. There were about 25 people, all women at first except for Lovejoy, ranging of all ages. A few other people came into the crowded room later on. There was one main lady to lead it as she read scripture and spoke about Joyce Meyer coming to Zimbabwe, and her main topic of discussion was abuse and how we need to TRULY forgive to have a relationship with God. She said many people believe they’ve forgiven someone for whatever they’ve offended, but then they still have strong feelings of pain, anger, etc. when they see, think, etc. about that person. She then quoted scripture about how prayer cannot be 100% genuine if you haven’t whole-heartedly forgiven others. It really hit home to me, although I can’t say it was fully “powerful” in my case since Pastor Lovejoy had to quietly translate half of it for me as she kept switching between English and Shona. It was a nice message though and then we went on to pray for release, to pray for the Joyce Meyer Festival and all that entails, and the Seed Sower Prayer Summit.

I gathered from Pastor Lovejoy that the Intercessors Meeting is where all these people meet regularly in order to intercede, or pray on behalf of the whole nation of Zimbabwe. From what I understand, it’s like they all meet to decide what specifically needs prayer, then they pray at the time, as well as designate allotted time periods amongst themselves to ensure that there is 24/7 prayer being heard by God for Zimbabwe. It was quite an impressive group of people, might I add. I have to admit it’s not something I’d particularly want to join every week, but it was a nice experience and maybe when I reach a certain point in my spiritual walk, that’s something I’ll be interested in. Afterwards I met with everyone – they were all anxious to meet this young, American girl that had joined them tonight.

We then head home for dinner, I got on the Internet for a bit because the electricity came on at the end of our meal (although I just was on briefly to save my e-mails and facebook messages to my flash drive and leave because the connection was so bad and it took hours just to do that), then went to bed.

That leads me up to today, where I am now hanging out around the house – doctor’s orders to get off work and stay home to start my “cleansing” immediately. I got up this morning with an immense sense of peace. It was like a refreshed feeling, which I find somewhat ironic since I am not physically “refreshed” quite yet. Anyways, I woke up and read from my daily devotional, had breakfast, then took my first dose of the liquid medicine. It tasted pretty gross, but so worth it. That was about three hours ago and it hasn’t kicked in yet, but I can feel some commotion starting to rumble in my gut. Time for celebration? Yes!

Ok so now it’s nighttime and I can’t say there was much action today, but I haven’t lost all hope yet. The second half of the medicine will be taken tomorrow morning and then let’s keep our fingers crossed.

Tonight Juliet and I cooked most of the dinner after Mbuya Evelyn started it. We prepared chicken drumsticks. It was a bit distasteful to learn that “the hold up” on adding seasoning and such was because when it was poked with a knife, fresh blood was still oozing out of the meat. Bleh! I quickly got over it and moved forward with our meal. It was mainly Juliet cooking and I was observing to learn their way of cooking with the little resources we have here. I did manage to help out plenty though. We cooked it a special way and honest to God, the chicken came out and tasted EXACTLY like Chick-Fil-A chicken nuggets! We may have a new secret recipe on our hands… or not. Regardless, the point is that we are master chefs. We did it all without electricity too.

Oh, and it was so cute to hear Juliet exclaim “Five second rule!” when she dropped the spoon and jumped down to quickly pick it up. Had that happened three days ago, she would have gotten a new spoon or cleaned that one off (even though it fell onto a part that wasn’t dirty). I guess I’m a bad influence on her, but she seemed to pick up this one pretty quickly seeing as I just taught it to her yesterday. Another quit quote from Juliet tonight is “those rats are obviously NOT practicing good planned parenthood” or something along those lines. This was provoked after seeing about the third or fourth rat run across the kitchen floor in the short period of time we were in there. I swear, those things have multiplied more rapidly than Mormons! (no offense Ryan) We just started to have a problem with them maybe two weeks ago, occasionally hearing one or two scampering in the ceiling. At this point you can hear them all throughout the night up in the ceiling and there are so many that you regularly see them jot across the floors in the kitchen and dining room. And they seem to be getting larger by the minute as well. Ek!!! What happened to just having spiders and crickets to freak me out? This too shall be ok…

Pastor Lovejoy was still at work so Juliet and I ate our romantic candlelit dinner together and chatted. We actually ended up hanging out for about an hour afterwards having a deep conversation about more than just the shallow chitchat we’ve mainly partaken in thus far. We are bonding more and more and she is opening up to me more and more. She is a very reserved girl, so it’s really special to see her opening up to me about really personal things and share her thoughts and hopes and dreams with me. And I am continually so excited for her regarding her boyfriend, Donald, who is an amazing guy and they are the perfect couple. We were fantasizing about how nice it would be for me to be able to attend her wedding, but it won’t be until a few months after I’m gone. I came to the conclusion tonight, though, that she is coming to visit me in the states someday no matter what. We will work it out come hell or high water, no matter how long it takes to save up for it or whatnot. I’m really excited about that as well, although it realistically will be a while before it actually happens. It’s great to see the hope and motivation it brings to her as well. Again, I thank God to Juliet every single day.

To top such a lovely night off, I received a text message from the girl that I had met in the airport in Washington D.C. on my journey here. She is from New York and also was on her way to Zimbabwe for a mission trip. We decided to exchange e-mail addresses just for kicks and giggles, and have actually talked a few times via facebook and now texting. She has been in Bulawayo for this whole time, but her group actually just moved to Harare! She sent me a text message to let me know they found a house here and it’s actually fairly close to where I’m staying. It’s really exciting for me to even just know someone is close, whether we’re actually able to meet up or not. She was opening up to me as well about how hard it’s been for her and she’s having her fair share of meltdowns. It made me feel better that I’m not the only one suffering or having a tough time. I guess it just reassures me that it’s not just a sign of weakness or anything. I tend to be really hard on myself and feel like I’m a horrible person for not having completely embraced this entirely or whatnot. But with that being said, things are definitely looking up. Here’s a little blurb of a message I sent to my friend today:

“This whole experience, as much as it’s sucked 99% of the time, really is good for me. I hate it with a passion usually and want to go home, but I’m learning so much and thinking so much and really just putting everything in life into perspective. And you know what? I woke up the other morning (Tuesday I think) and for the first time I felt like, you know what, everything is going to be ok. I didn’t completely long to go home or hate everything about my life right now. Haha. I still am not a fan of Zimbabwe, nor do I plan on extending my stay here, but things are beginning to look up. I think I just may have accepted that this is my life for the time being and I need to quit dwelling on how bad it is and suck it up and make the most of it. It was like an epiphany and I have felt so much better since then – well, at least mentally. Don’t get me wrong, I still have times where I am so home-sick that I could cry, but I don’t cry and I don’t even want to find some excuse to come home. Right now, as twisted as it is, I WANT to be here. Ew, that makes me sick just hearing myself say it. Oh well, it’s true. I see myself growing on a daily, hourly even, basis. And with each new struggle, I find myself having conquered a previous one. I continue to build the confidence that I can make it through anything. I don’t NEED anyone or anything else. At the same time, I’m little by little learning to put my faith back into God. It is taking time, but I definitely see it taking form into something powerful and real. This is forcing me to rely on the one and only thing that will ALWAYS be here, regardless of what resources are available to me or who is by my side, you know? So I guess all the pain and suffering are starting to pay off. Oh, and I got the chance to speak with a guy here. His name is Nyasha and he is dating a woman who is back in the States now. Apparently she came here on a mission trip a few years ago and he was telling me about how she really struggled as well. Well, now she is just visiting back home, but has actually moved to Zimbabwe for good. It is her new home. But it just helped give me a sense of peace that she was in the same position as myself, hating every minute of it and wanting nothing more than to return home, and now look at her. She can’t wait to get back to her home now – that home being here! I had another girl who is my age and was a missionary in India write me a letter as well about how she felt the first two months she was there. She experienced the exact same feelings as I am and she, too, can’t wait to return to the missionary field and get out and get back to this “miserable” life. So those sort of things have really been helpful in changing my attitude and giving me lots of hope that everything will be ok and I may even end up enjoying my time here. I honestly can’t say that I can imagine staying any longer than planned (I don’t even know if I’ll last that long), but at least I don’t get sick to my stomach just thinking about the length of time I’ve committed to being here.”

Alright, well it appears that the Internet is actually working and working well enough that Skype is somewhat following through. A special someone is actually on as well, so I’m off in hopes that the connection will actually be working. Yikes!

3/2

Today has been fairly uneventful thus far. This morning we left for the Institute a little later than usual – around 8 am or maybe a little bit earlier. The roads were clear of traffic and we made it to town in good timing. We stopped along the way to pick up some Mealie Meal for the kids at the Academy to eat as part of their lunch. I’m not a fan of sadza, so I was excited to have that one last piece of pizza saved from yesterday to look forward to as part of my lunch. Once we got into town, we had to pull over for President Mugabe’s caravan to pass by. This is the second time I’ve seen it, and believe me, it was just as exciting the second time! He was on his way to work and there goes the police motorcycles, two trucks loaded with Army men holding loaded guns, a few cars with tinted windows, more police, and then an ambulance. I don’t know why I’m so fascinated by it, but I am. They even closed off the road for a minute while he was turning into the actual building where he works. It’s interesting to see the different precautions they take to ensure his safety. And again, absolutely no pictures were allowed to be taken. I don’t want to be thrown in jail or shot or anything, regardless of how cool I find his convoy.

We dropped Sekuru Stan in town to pay the electricity bill. There is only one company that handles the electricity here, so they have a complete monopoly on the system. I don’t have any comment on that, but it was crazy to see how long the line to pay the bill was. I’m told it’s because it’s the first of the month so people are hurrying to pay last month’s bill before the electricity is shut off – not that you’d be able to tell since we can go days without having any even when the bill is paid for. It’s not like people can pay online or there are other branches or anything, so basically the whole of Harare is coming to this one large building to pay. There were numerous lines and they were all wrapped well around the building. Hundreds and hundreds of people were waiting out there. Poor Sekuru. (Turns out after we dropped him off, some people noticed him looking wearily at the line and let the “mdarra” aka “old man” cut to the front so it worked out well.)

Juliet and I have been working further on the library just organizing the books and trying to decide which category each book falls into. We also made a trip to buy some bread for the kids. They have multiplied! There were two little girls yesterday and now there are three girls and two boys. We even have a little uniform available for them as well now. The Academy seems to be coming together very well and in good timing. I’m quite impressed with the work that Pastor Lovejoy, Mike, Lovejoy’s sister, etc. have put into it. It is a bit strange having little kids around now, I have to admit. It’s a bit annoying at times, but in the end it’s definitely nice to have all these happy shrills and songs as background noise while I’m working. The kids are all so sweet, too – even the naughty one that I try to avoid for her tendency to tug on me has a good heart. Pastor Lovejoy’s sister is teaching them and watching them with the assistance of another woman, and they do a very good job with it.

<< sweet, naughty >>

Right now it’s pouring rain and they’re still managing to cook over the fire. I asked them to show me how to prepare the soya mince today as well, so I’m about to go get soaked myself. I still feel basically constant fatigue, but I now have more of a sense of peace about it that the results should be coming soon and I will hopefully have some answers.

Ok, so turns out no soya mince today. They prepared sadza and dry beans for the kids. They handed me a plate right after I finished my lunch and they looked short on food so I told them to give it to the men because I had just eaten and wasn’t hungry. I said it in a very gracious, polite way, but I could tell the women were not pleased with this answer. I’m learning to just take their portrayed guilt or anger with a grain of salt. Plus the men could use it more than me anyways, especially since I had plenty to eat for lunch today. I did try the beans just because I was curious and they were interesting. The taste wasn’t too bad, but the texture was a bit strange for me. Let’s just say, I was thankful to have prepared my own lunch for today. I still keep it somewhat discreet because I don’t want everyone feeling jealous or anything; yet I need to take care of my health and nutrition and can’t live off of only bread every day or whatnot. I also am saving them money in the process so I see it as a win-win for the most part as long as I don’t go rubbing it in anyone’s face.

I did some more office work and just before we left I received a call from my mom. She spoke with my family doctor back home and very possibly has an answer to all these health issues. I don’t want to go into detail now, but I’m going to now speak with the doctor here and further investigate in this region. It would make total sense and be a fairly easily solution, so I’m praying that it works out in this manner. Thank you Dr. O’Neil!

After work everyone hopped into the back of the truck bed and did the now-typical routine of dropping off the different workers and students. It was lightly raining which added to the escapade. Although of course everyone else wasn’t too excited about the rain, I love adventure so I just thought of it as just another part of the thrill. And guess what we saw on the way home – a rainbow! It was huge and very distinct. There’s something so magical about rainbows, like the Heavens shining down on Harare.

We stopped at the grocery store on the way home and picked up a few things and got home probably around 6 or so. There was even electricity there to greet us, along with water. Hallelujah! I took a quick bath (even though it was cold water), we had dinner, and then I tried to get on the Internet for a bit to get the e-mail my mom told me about from the doctor back home. It took probably three solid hours or more to get what would simply have taken five minutes back home. I was seriously about to throw the computer out the window, but refrained and tried to play a little Solitaire in the meantime to keep me at least a bit patient. I am gaining patience little by little here and learning to deal with whatever is thrown my way. I won Solitaire about five times while waiting for pages to load – or fail to load and refresh for the hundredth time. I finally gave up on getting the rest of my e-mails and went to bed.

I am now finishing up this thing on Wednesday, the next day. It has been raining all morning and poor Sekuru road in the bed of the truck in the pouring rain. He did have a tarp to cover up, though, and a friend since Pastor Lovejoy gave a hitchhiker a ride into town – everyone tries to catch rides so it was very nice of him. On the way to the Institute today, I was thinking a little bit (I’m trying to settle down a bit with my thinking). I realized that although this still isn’t “fun” per say, I am starting to get used to it. It was the first time, this morning, that I actually felt a sense of peace about being here. I even had some hope that I am learning to adjust and this is all going to be ok. I have known from the start that I’m here for a reason and had a bit of peace about that, but this is the first time that I accept it a bit as my actual life and didn’t resist. Thank you Lord for another glimmer of hope and opening up my heart just that much more. Perhaps I’m actually beginning to see the faintest bit of light at the end of the tunnel. (My dad joked that I’ve seen that light before but it turned out to be a train coming to hit me… I thought that was funny – however, this time it’s no train.)

3/1

Today was a success! I wish I could say the same about the weekend, but I guess that should’ve been expected. Juliet was gone the entire weekend – Saturday she spent all day at her church as usual then Sunday she and her boyfriend met with her “Auntie” to go through the traditional process that begins her engagement and such. She didn’t feel well, but her “Auntie” (the respectable woman she admires to counsel their relationship and announce the engagement) drove some distance so she went anyways. Apparently it went really well and Juliet has been beaming all day today. Rather than come home last night as planned, however, she had to go to the house of a friend who she found out died randomly died the night before. As customed, she went to his family’s house and spent majority of the night there singing and comforting the family members along with all the boy’s other friends and loved ones.

So Juliet was gone all weekend and Pastor Lovejoy had some things to do so I was once again all alone sitting around doing nothing. I considered making plans with one of the two or three friends I have, but I still felt so weak and exhausted that it seemed somewhat pointless at the same time when I couldn’t really do much. We didn’t have electricity much and the weather was cloudy with occasional showers, so I basically just sat around inside all day reading, doing Word Searches, thinking, wishing there wasn’t such a drastic time difference so I could call friends from home, etc. Saturday I was extremely lonely and depressed and felt basically unproductive and useless. Sunday, however, I did the same thing but kept a bit higher spirits. I read a Joyce Meyer article titled “Alone but Not Lonely” about how God is always with us and I can take comfort in knowing that even when I’m alone based off the world’s standards, the Lord never leaves my side. This was a bit reassuring, but I still would like someone to at least play cards with or something, you know? I consciously made an effort to keep my attitude up even in unhappy circumstances. I really could tell a difference as well.

This morning started out with chilly, rainy weather, which was no bueno, but I wasn’t going to let it ruin my day. I woke up and made my contact with God first thing, thanking Him for another day and asking for guidance and to open up my heart to His truth and love. Starting my day off in such a manner has seemed to help most of the time, especially to approach the day in a positive light. I also thanked God in advance for letting everything work out exactly as it needs to regarding all the tasks I had to complete.

Pastor Lovejoy dropped me off at the medical clinic to get my tests done. Juliet was already there waiting so I wouldn’t be alone in figuring out what to do or where to go from there. I had to have blood drawn and take a urine test (pleasant, I know…). The women at the receptionist desk were fairly helpful and very nice. It wasn’t ridiculously expensive as I expected either. So I quickly went and peed in my little cup without too much spillage and delivered it to the appropriate cubbyhole and then it was time for the much-dreaded blood drawing. Two women brought me into a small room and sat me down in the chair that reminded me of an electric chair. As one was preparing the needles and vials and all those lovely death-devices, the other was examining my arms to determine which one would produce a more effective stabbing. She quickly chose my left arm and cut off the circulation. Now of course none of this in itself is in the least bit bad, but the whole process, knowing what it was leading up to was making me already feel a bit woozy. The other woman came over and wiped my arm as she started to ask me about life and what brought me to Zimbabwe, etc. I knew she was just trying to take my mind off of the needle and I willing obliged. I felt the needle quickly pierce through my poor vein and tried to think harder about the answers I was giving as a distraction. These two women were the quickest, most efficient blood-drawing nurses I have ever experienced. The entire thing took less than two minutes and I was out and didn’t even have time to work my nerves up enough to feel faint. I have to admit that I’m quite proud of myself for not passing out or even getting close to such. Thank God! The lab now was sufficiently supplied with four or five vials of my blood (proud Aggie maroon of course!) and plenty of urine so Juliet and I were off. I was very impressed thus far with how well things were working out involving today’s healthcare journey.

I wasn’t supposed to eat anything after breakfast yesterday to prepare for my lab work, so needless to say I was starving! We were a distance from any shops, however, so I stopped along the path and bought some fruit (which you can find people selling all sorts of fruits basically anywhere you look in Zimbabwe – or selling anything from airtime for making calls to wooden baskets to eggs to pool floats, etc. for that matter) to tide me off. I actually led the way (shocker for all those that know my directional skills, I know!) back to the other doctor’s office, which was about half a mile or so away. I popped in there real quick to pick up the detailed invoice that my insurance company required. It wasn’t available the day of my appointment and they instructed me to come back today to pick it up. Again, I was surprised at how easily and quickly it was to obtain the necessary documents. The rude receptionist even came in to the other room with me to make sure I got everything ok. Yes, she was still rude in how she handled everything, but it was helpful so I have to look past the attitude and be thankful of her assistance.

The medical tasks of the day were now complete – and in a short period of time with no troubles. I was thoroughly impressed, although I had to give all the credit to God because it truly was a miracle that everything went so flawlessly. I even almost felt like I was back in America for a second, hah.

Juliet and I then walked into the busier part of town to hit up a Western Union so I could collect a little money that was donated – and VERY VERY much appreciated and needed! We went to the first bank, which was the main branch for Western Union. There was a long time and after waiting in it for about 10 minutes we were informed that the bank was all out of cash. I seriously thought it was a joke for at least a minute or two. I have never heard of a bank running out of cash in today’s times! Well, there ya go. At least one woman was nice enough to inform us so we left rather than waiting the couple of hours that it was expected to take. We ventured to another branch that happened to be in a mall-type building. I am still amazed at how well Juliet knew the area and where to find these hidden branches. The other branches were also out of cash and the workers were not exactly the friendliest people in reporting the news to me. They told us that they get their money from the main branch so they were going to take even longer to receive any.

A bit annoyed, but trying to keep a good attitude and just go with the flow of life, I decided to use this as an opportunity to sit down and have a nice breakfast. It was around 10 am at this point and many places were open but the workers didn’t feel like actually doing their jobs yet. True story. So we had some difficulty in finding a place to eat and finally ended up at my good friend, Pizza Inn (where we got the other pizzas I’ve had here). I bought a small pizza because they don’t sell by the slice here. It was nice to actually pick a kind of pizza that I like rather than just be given what Lovejoy chose. Don’t get me wrong, he asked me what type I like last time, but I told him just to get whatever he likes and I’d make do. Big mistake because it was the grossest pizza I’ve ever had, but I guess that’s what I get for being completely indecisive. Juliet was trying to get money off of me, which was a bit annoying because everyone expects me to give, give, give and it’s not like I have any TO give. Rather, I just shared my pizza with her and she was complaining about it, which was really starting to tick me off when it was MY pizza anyways and I had been looking forward to having the leftovers later on as well. I thought I was being generous in sharing when she actually did have some money herself. Yes, I’m working on my selfishness and have a long way to go… Oh well, I tried to not let her expecting-attitude and complaining affect me, although I did feel the need to inform her that a “thank you” would be nice after I spent my last dollar on this pizza for myself. Wow, I sound so selfish, ugh.

Ok, so after that Juliet talked me into checking back at the smaller branch of Western Union to see if any cash had arrived. I really didn’t think there was any chance of that since the main branch had predicted about four or five hours and this one wasn’t supposed to receive any until after that. Well, thanks be to God, they had money now!! And there was no line at this place whereas the line was ridiculously long at the other one. So I was able to pick up my money, hallelujah! I wasn’t even feeling too exhausted as I regularly do after this much activity.

We then walked over to catch an ET back to the Institute for work. As always, that was quite an adventure and full of excitement. We arrived safely at the Institute around noon.

At the Institute we now have children around because the preschool has opened. While I worked on typing up a document for Mike and then preparing and organizing the library, Juliet and the other women worked with the children and prepared lunch for them. (Having the Academy aka preschool now open means some actual food for lunch more often, score!) As I was working away on the library, Juliet brought me in a plate with rice, a salad that Mike had brought in consisting of cabbage, lettuce, bananas or something, and other things – it was very different, but good – and something called soya mince. I thought the soya mince was ground up chicken, but it was actually soya beans ground up and flavored with some seasonings and such. I have to say that was one of the best lunches I’ve ever had, it was so good, even in American standards. And to think, they prepared that over a fire in some corner with very little utensils or ingredients. Yum yum!

I worked some more on the library and then had to go sit down as fatigue caught up with me big time. I continue to overwork myself if I ever do get an ounce of energy because I’m so frustrated with myself for not working up to the potential that I know my work ethic typically consists of. I was once again discouraged by my health, but at least I did get a lot of work done with that and my energy had lasted longer today than the previous days. I rested for a bit and did some office work (with a few interruptions from the Academy girls that would not leave me alone. One is a VERY naughty, very stubborn little girl that loves pulling on my arm, shirt, or anything else she can get her hands on. It wouldn’t be so bad except they don’t understand English at all and I don’t know Shona well enough to have any authority over them).

(alicia)

Pastor Lovejoy, Kootzie, Sekuru Stan w/ the slide that will be fixed up and painted for the kids to play on

It was finally time to leave and we all hopped into the bed of Pastor Lovejoy’s truck. He still is borrowing his brother-in-law’s truck because his car is taking time to get fixed. His sister and another woman sat up front with him and although it was uncomfortable, I enjoyed riding in the back as part of the experience. It was me, Juliet, Sekuru Stan, Kootzie (a boy that works with us for free in return to attend classes), the two little girls, and then in front was Pastor Lovejoy, his sister, and another woman that has been working at the Institute with us recently. He dropped everyone off at his or her houses and then we stopped by his mother’s house where I met his sister and her husband who live in Minnesota. We visited with everyone for a while and of course broke out into song and prayer, as is the norm with his mother. She sent us along with some free vegetables as is also the norm with her, whether we need them or not, she is always so caring and loving towards others even when she doesn’t have enough to get by herself. You can absolutely NOT deny her either. I tried that once, thinking I was being polite and I didn’t want to take from her when she so clearly needed it more than myself. Oh, no no no, that is so disrespectful apparently and I have learned to graciously accept anything she offers. That woman truly has a heart of gold. And although I still wasn’t feeling well at all, this time I made sure to use all the energy I had left to put on a happy, healthy appearance for her sake because she worried so much last time and gave both Juliet and Lovejoy trouble about me not being well. Even when she spoke with Lovejoy later she gave him a hard time and I think blamed him for my poor health even though he is doing everything in his ability to help me and has absolutely no cause in my problems in any way. I learned and this time did my absolute best to appear in perfect health for not only her sake, but also for poor Juliet and Lovejoy.

We head home afterwards and there is still no electricity. I am absolutely exhausted and have no appetite whatsoever, but I know I need to get some energy into my body. I’m about to heat up dinner with Juliet and eat then go to sleep. All in all, today was a productive, good day and I give all the glory to the Lord. It’s nice starting to have my faith come back little by little. I vaguely feel it in my heart that I really do believe it was His doings and feel gratitude towards Him.

2/25

Oh the joys of Zimbabwean medical assistance. It’s only fair that my experience here wouldn’t be complete unless I had to endure the medical system as well; I just didn’t realize it’d be so early on. I have had some issues that keep me from actually doing any solid work and I’m constantly feeling sick so I gave in and agreed to go to the doctor today. I’m not a fan of doctors in general since I’m terrified of needles, but to add that they are now African needles doesn’t exactly help the situation. Regardless, I feel really bad that I’m here to work and haven’t been much help lately so I need to get back to full health so I can get back out there and do what I’m here to do.

The process to get my doctor’s appointment has now been initiated. My precious mom gave me the go-ahead in doing it and called the international insurance company for me since I’m also out of airtime. Pastor Lovejoy drove Juliet to town so she can visit a doctor for something on her wrist that has bothering her for a while and is now getting worse and her whole arm is very painful. He is then going to the Institute so I’m just sitting in bed once again. I’ve been working with my mom, the insurance company, Pastor Lovejoy, and some doctors’ secretaries to try to book an appointment. Lucky me, all the numbers listed for doctors seem to be incorrect or unavailable. I would much rather see a woman doctor, but there is only one on the list and of course no one is answering her listed phone number. Who knows if it’s even the correct number – doubtful. I also called Pastor Lovejoy’s personal doctor that he’s known for years to set up an appointment with him. Unfortunately, that number was incorrect as well, but the insurance company was able to find the correct number. I got a hold of his secretary who was quite a mess to work with. She was somewhat polite and tried to be helpful, but she just couldn’t seem to get over the fact that I haven’t been to the hospital yet or that she didn’t recognize the name of Pastor Lovejoy when he’s been there before. I understand that these may be slight miracles in themselves in her eyes, but the point is that I would like to make an appointment as soon as possible so let’s get on with it. Anyways, she couldn’t seem to do so in the manner that I would have hoped, so she asked me to have Pastor Lovejoy call her. I felt bad making him have to get involved, but it was nice at the same time having someone know what he’s doing that maybe she’d listen to more seriously. So he just called me to let me know that the doctor has a half-day today so the earliest appointment will be at 8 am tomorrow morning. Like I said, I would prefer the woman doctor anyways so I tried her again in hopes of seeing her and even maybe getting an appointment today, but no luck. So I’m still waiting to hear from Pastor Lovejoy, but as of now I have an appointment for tomorrow morning. I just hate sitting around and feel like I’m wasting my life away. Hopefully Juliet has more luck than me in her medical endeavors of the day. I get to sit around trying to avoid Mbuya Evelyn (although she’s nice to me now, it’s still awkward because of the language barrier and the different “ranks” in culture or however you want to phrase it) and listening to some of the “manly” teenage boys sit around doing work and singing to the Backstreet Boys. It is pretty entertaining at least and since I’m lying down I don’t feel too weak right now. It seems to be more so when I’m up or walking. We shall see what the doctor has to say.

Although it sucks to have something wrong, it’d also be nice to at least have an answer – preferably one with an easy solution such as anemic which I’m leaning towards in my guesses after reading an article about a woman who ate tons of spinach and iron-rich foods just like me but still dealt with it. Her symptoms were similar to mine and she had a very easy solution. So let’s pray that there’s an easy solution to mine. And as usual, I wouldn’t mind hearing that it was something that could only be treated in America and I had to go home immediately, but then that wouldn’t force me to deal with all these things I’ve come here to learn and face. Life would be easier, but I would regret “running” from the tough times. So I’ll just keep things regarding my medical quest updated as I go so it’s a first-hand experience of the Zimbabwean healthcare. Funnily enough, that’s one of the 7 Mountains that are being prayed about for the Seed Sower Prayer Summits. What better way to know how exactly to pray for it than to see the strengths and weaknesses of the system? So maybe this is another form of “doing the Lord’s work”? Hah. Life is just one big adventure!

Now it’s Thursday night and I’ve spent the day at home while Juliet went to the doctor for her own problem and Pastor Lovejoy went to work. It was a nice day spent resting. I asked Pastor Lovejoy before he left to tell Mbuya not to cook any lunch for me because A) I still try to avoid her if at all possible and B) I enjoy cooking and was hoping to actually have the opportunity to prepare something for myself. So I started the morning attempting to make the doctor’s appointment as you see above. Then I rested a bit and made myself some lunch – not too many options, especially since we were lacking electricity at this point. I stuck with making myself a salad (well, cucumber, tomatoes, onions…), a tuna sandwich (using the tuna that I brought from home because I was warned that they lack protein here – very incorrect), and an apple. I also had some Diet Coke to top it all off. Oh man, I was in heaven! It’s nice just having a taste of independence, you know?

I then sat outside for a bit since it was a beautiful day (again, my heaven!) and I didn’t want to spend the entire day just sitting on my butt inside but I was still feeling weak and sick. It was during this time that I started to read Captivating (see the entire entry dedicated to this, hah). I wanted to take a bath right after that because a cold bath actually sounded good for once, but in my attempt to avoid Mbuya, I waited for a while until I had already cooled off. So the bath was not an enjoyable experience with the cold water, but at least there was running water so I didn’t have to use buckets. And to add to the bath luxuries, I actually got to shave! Who knew that something as simple as shaving could be so liberating and refreshing? And as sexy as it is, I haven’t shaved in about a week or longer (which is beyond normal here so it’s not like I’m grossing people out here) so I feel like a new woman at this point.

Juliet arrived home by catching ET’s around 5 pm. She was able to see a doctor about her arm and found out that her bone on her wrist area is messed up and it’s swelling up and causing the rest of her arm to be sore. I’m not exactly sure what it is – I’m not sure if she’s entirely clear either – but she needs to get surgery to get it fixed. For the time being, she was prescribed some painkillers because it’s really hurting her, but she can’t afford to actually get them. The surgery is not even an option at this point. It’s sad, but this is so completely normal here. She rested for a bit and then got ready for a bath.

I’m feeling a lot better now. This seems to be the trend: I get sick, spend a day to rest, feel better, and repeat. So I spoke with my mom and decided to go ahead and keep the doctor’s appointment for tomorrow morning even though I feel better now. I can’t continue to live like this. I am not willing to live HALF my life – one day living and one day resting. Something is obviously up so I might as well get it checked out even if I am feeling ok for the time being.

Anyways, so I was just hanging out in my room, comfortable and content, but I decided to actually be proactive about the changes I want to see in myself. I continually say that I want to learn to be selfless and also become more comfortable around people again. So although I didn’t want to, I forced myself to leave my room and go out in the sitting room area. Juliet was in her room, but I invited her to come join me in watching TV. I also started heating up dinner and volunteered to carry the heavy pot of hot water for her to the bathtub because I know her arm is sore. I actually took a step in changing myself rather than just the thinking about changing. Juliet was so appreciative that I was doing all this stuff for her and just getting out of myself for once. And you know what? It shouldn’t be a surprise, but I was blessed in the process. By taking a small step out of my comfort zone – even just to leave my room and sit out with Juliet – something crazy happened! I turned on the TV to not only see Oprah, an amazing touch of home that is so rare, but it was an episode about the Texas State Fair! I have watched TV maybe four or five times for brief periods the entire time I’ve been here, and then I turn it on and it’s like I’m home. Juliet was really excited to actually see a taste of my home as well. Not only was it about the Texas State Fair, but it involved the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders as well. A girl that I’ve gone to school with since I was little is on the squad so it was really cool just having that even tighter connection to home. (Sorry to be creepy, Kelsi, but I have lived an incredible life vicariously through you via facebook…) Actually seeing this girl on TV, on Oprah, in Zimbabwe was more exciting than you could ever imagine. As my mom likes to say, the Lord was just showing off at this point. I don’t know if coincidence is even an option in this case. I’M IN ZIMBABWE! How in the world would it be possible that I actually happen to turn on the TV for the second time on my own account, let alone have electricity, and that’s what is on.

I continued my proactive selfless night by getting dinner ready for Juliet and myself (Lovejoy is going to be in late tonight because he has to drop a generator off at the Farm which is over an hour away). We ate and had a great time chatting. It still feels like an effort to build our relationship, but we’re beginning to find things to relate to one another and continue to do whatever is necessary to bond. After we ate I took up her plate and everything and told her to stay and relax while I cleaned everything up. It felt really great to help her and actually get outside of myself and what’s “easiest” for me. We watched some more TV (even though I’d preferred to go do something on my computer or alone) and I had her choose what we watched. It was so cute because she chose to watch her church’s channel so we watched some old people singing gospel music. Every time a new song came on she was SO excited and would sing along and talk about how beautiful the words are and made her want to cry, etc. The joy and entertainment she found in something so simple was really touching to see. And the blessings that I received not only tangibly through the TV show, but also emotionally through how good it felt to serve and help someone else, were so rewarding. One small step for Dani’s growth; one giant leap for my spirits. Thanks God for a great day! Now let’s just pray that tomorrow will go well regarding the medical adventures.

Now it is Friday afternoon and I have progressed in my healthcare journey. Last night was awful – I was so exhausted that I fell into bed at around 8:30 pm and tried to get a little bit of restless sleep. I couldn’t really fall asleep or even just rest because my body was so restless not only mentally, but physically as well. My stomach kept acting strange and it didn’t hurt, but it was just very strange and uncomfortable. I don’t know, I can’t quite explain it, but it was very frustrating and kept me awake. I even got up in the middle of the night to get something to eat in an attempt to alleviate the unique sensation. Finally after wrestling around in bed tossing and turning for hours, I just got up and put on the movie that I’d paused earlier. I couldn’t fall asleep even after that and just had to lie there, exhausted and frustrated – not a good combination. My entire body felt so restless and strange. I finally fell asleep around 4:45 am and got a little bit of light sleep until 6:30 am when we were to wake up for an early departure to the doctor. I woke up feeling exhausted a weak, but I don’t know whether to blame that on the lack of sleep or being sick.

Regardless, we were on our way to the doctor in town. The man, Dr. Stack, was Pastor Lovejoy’s family doctor growing up and he was also on a list of doctors I had been recommended from the American Embassy as well as my international health insurance provider. Even yet, I was a bit weary about seeing this guy. We arrived and it was a first-come first-serve basis. Although we got there five minutes before it was actually supposed to open even, there were about five patients already lined up. They were all foreigners as well, which I hate to say it, but made me feel a little more at ease for whatever reason.

There was another doctor that shared the same clinic, and his receptionist informed us that Dr. Stack’s truck had broken down so he would be late. She offered to let us see the other doctor, but we all chose to just wait for Dr. Stack. Dr. Stack’s receptionist, Rita, showed up and was not the friendliest of people. Juliet waited with me as we sat and read magazines in the waiting room. I had a blast from the past in reading old ELLE magazines from the 1990’s. Who knew some of those swimsuits would’ve been appropriate back then let alone today even… oh my! Dr. Stack arrived within half an hour or so and went straight to work. He was an older British gentleman that seemed to know exactly what he was doing at all times and be very efficient in whatever it was. Within no time I was being called into his office and felt completely comfortable from the second I stepped in. He was very knowledgeable about all sorts of health questions and concerns I had as well as amiable and easy to talk with in general. I definitely understand why the different groups recommended him. Leaving his room, however, I reentered Rita’s world. I had to pay $60 cash – thank God that was the exact amount of money I happened to have in my bag. I had only brought $40 for the consultation fee, but happened to have $20 stored away for emergency cash. Rita refused to assist me in any way concerning my insurance and told me I have to return on Monday morning if I want to pick up a detailed invoice receipt. Dr. Stack is having me do some further tests that I’ll have to visit the lab tomorrow morning for and filled out the proper documents for that, telling me Rita would set up the appointment for me. Well, Rita had other plans and wanted nothing to do with it so I was left to fend for myself. I called my insurance company to figure things out and have had the worst of luck. Or rather, I tried to call but there are not operators here which is necessary to get through to the insurance company I have so I called my mom (who is a saint for helping me out at 2:30 am their time) who then tried to get them to call me and work things out. Well, as usual, things have not worked out in our favor one bit. We are having major problems with the insurance and I have to pay cash for whatever lab work I get done and hope they’ll reimburse me. The problem is that I don’t have very much cash left and it’s not like I can just go to an ATM and pick some more up. I have tried to call the lab to find out how much it’ll cost so I can be prepared or work on deciding which tests to actually go ahead with and which to forego, but as usual there is no response. I continue to feel really weak today even after resting a bit and I just ate a large lunch (it included a steak pie… never heard of one of these things before? but I was in serious need of a legitimate lunch for once).

To sum it all up, so far not so good. The only positive aspect to my Zimbabwean medical endeavors have been the doctor himself who had only had a half day yesterday and was late today. The man himself was a breath of fresh air though and you can’t blame him for the transportation issues that everyone seems to face here (we are driving around in Pastor Lovejoy’s borrowed truck at the moment because our car broke down completely, but what can you expect with the way people drive and the potholes, etc. here). The journey continues as I attempt to find out the pricing for my lab work tomorrow and possibly get it done. I wish this were something that I could just put off for when I returned home to the States, but I can barely function with it. I’m very worried that it will cut my time in Zimbabwe short if I run out of all funds. I hate to ask, but any donations would be MUCH appreciated! (It’s done through a different organization than PrayNowZimbabwe so just let me know if you are willing to pitch in even $20 please!)

Anywho, right now I’m back at the Institute and I was doing some work preparing for the LEAD Academy preschool that is being opened up soon but got too faint to continue. The preschool opens within a week or two, which will be great to help keep the little kids off the streets for such little costs. It will also allow parents to work legitimate jobs and start to teach the children.

I was supposed to go get my lab work done today, but realized that I wasn’t supposed to have eaten or drunken anything but water since breakfast yesterday and have eaten full meals and had a Diet Coke. Dangit! So today is just another day of nothingness as Pastor Lovejoy and Juliet both have their lives going on here and I’m still alone. I have tried to arrange plans even though I still don’t feel great but I know it’d be good for me to get out of the house.

No luck with the plans so another wasted day. The plans as of now are to go to town to get the lab work done as well as pick up my detailed invoice from yesterday’s doctor’s appointment on Monday morning. I’ll add more about it then.

2/25

I’m sure it’s fairly obvious that I think too much. Time and time again it’s been stated or if not, it should have been. I think that’s why I try to stay so busy all the time or find different things to obsess about or preoccupy my mind. I don’t watch many movies because I prefer to stay busy and “productive”, but I would always choose a watching a movie or reading a novel any day. Perhaps it’s because watching a movie is quicker, more time-efficient, and does the thinking for me. Mind you, I will always find a way to over think, overanalyze any movie, but it’s quick and to the point most of the time. A movie has a beginning, middle, and end – and it all takes place within an hour or two. There usually isn’t too much time to think because a good movie does the thinking for you and is entertaining enough that you’re too busy watching to see what happens next rather than wasting your attention on thought.

My point to all of that is that I am NOT a reader. To catch me even reading a magazine these days would be a very rare occasion. This is not something I’m proud of, however. I constantly hear about “how much better the book was than the movie”, but I just have to believe it and take the movie for what it is. There are so many books that I’ve wanted to read or been told to read, but I just haven’t found the discipline or will to carry even one out. I have probably read three books from cover to cover total in the past five years. (Sorry to any former teachers reading this – I guess Sparknotes and BS-ing have served me well as I’ve gotten A’s on basically every book report I’ve written with never actually reading the book. Again, this is a flaw since I realize they were assigned for a reason and I’m only hurting myself.) One book called Waris Darie: The Adventures of a Desert Nomad was recommended by my former teacher, Mrs. Hollier. It was an absolutely incredible book and I recommend it to anyone, mainly girls. I think I’ve written about four book reports on that one since it’s one that I’ve actually read. The second book I read on my travels here called Dear John by the good ol’ Nicholas Sparks. A friend referred it to me because I have experienced something that relates closely to the story itself. That, I also fully recommend, but this one is definitely a chick-novel. And that brings me to the third book, which I haven’t technically even finished. Actually I have only finished the first chapter but I would recommend it to everyone. It’s called Captivating by John and Stasi Elderedge. I have heard about it numerous times but simply added it to my list of books I SHOULD read someday but know I never will. Well, my dad’s good friend, Dr. Steve Tucker joined the large group of people to recommend the book to me, but he actually was proactive and let me borrow a copy of it. (I have had other people actually give me copies of books with no luck… this one was obviously a God thing.) I took it graciously, thankful for the thought, but didn’t have much intention of actually opening it. I then took a big step in actually packing it with me. I have been praying that the Lord will open up my heart and give me the desire to actually want to read. I feel like I’ve limited myself so vastly by keeping that door closed in my life. There is only so much that movies or word of mouth can get through – it doesn’t do justice I’m sure.

So today as I spent another day at home sick, a miracle took place. Now I say that jokingly, but I actually do thank God and see this as a huge blessing. I was sitting around and we actually had electricity so I started a movie on my laptop since I confined myself to my room to avoid Mbuya Evelyn doing the laundry. (I must state again that she is really nice at this point, I have just put it on myself that I feel extremely awkward around her and avoid her at all costs… another thing for me to work through since I recognize it is completely my own thoughts and probably wouldn’t be the reality if I would change my outlook.) I haven’t seen “Catch Me If You Can” since it was in theaters and have already gone through all three “Ocean’s Eleven” movies. I started up the movie and enjoyed it, but I got the sudden urge to put it on pause and go outside. I started just listening to my iPod and then had another strong urge to put it away and replace it with this novel. Now I can say without a doubt that this was the Holy Spirit because “read” is a foreign word in my books – especially to read for pleasure. (Reading the Bible or my devotional just seems like the ‘right’ thing to do, different than reading a novel. And even then, I don’t read my DAILY devotional on a daily basis and I most certainly don’t open up my Bible more than three or four times per week.) I did, however, actually get up, get Captivating out of my suitcase (where I figured it’d stay the entire time I’m here), and started to read. Well, needless to say, I have become captivated by Captivating. I have yet to push play on my movie and already called my mom to tell her she should read it. And like I said, I’ve only finished the first chapter! I apologize to Dr. Tucker in that I’ll need to buy him a new copy because I could only resist the urge to highlight and mark in it for about a page or two.

I don’t know if my writing now is more about raving about this book or about my excitement that I feel like I’ve found an answer to prayer. I continue to feel at least a little something regarding my faith. I pray more often and feel like JUST MAYBE it’s actually meaningful and there’s a true purpose to it. I have even felt a twinge of genuine appreciation as I look outside at the beautiful scenery and thank God for another day to breathe and share His love. And now, as I’m starting to truly find a yearning in my soul to read, I know in my heart of hearts that it can only be by the hand of God. So thank you Jesus. Although I still don’t know you, I recognize you unveiling yourself to me and opening up my heart to you. This “lack of thinking” about God (since it’s quite clear I haven’t slowed down the thinking about every other topic known to mankind) really is paying off bit by bit. I’m slowly but surely finding that faith that is all about not questioning, but simply trusting in the Lord, no matter how far-fetched He or His Truth may seem to my overly-logical mind. I don’t know if I’ll end up writing more about this book (although we all know that I most likely will since I can’t seem to keep my thoughts to myself), but everyone out there, regardless of gender, should read it to better understand women. I will be the first to tell you that even us women (I don’t know if I consider myself a woman yet, but whatever) are completely baffled and don’t understand our “species” at all. This book does a great job at accessing women deep down to the core. And bonus: it teaches guys exactly what we desire most in life and how to be compatible. Score!

One quote that I think applies perfectly to my whole journey over here:

“Then the time came when the risk it took
To remain tight in a bud was more painful
Than the risk it took to blossom.”
-Anais Nin

I got to the point where the Lord was calling me so strongly and I felt such a sense of restlessness that I couldn’t bare it any longer. I had to listen and answering His calling. I am growing in more ways than one and I feel like this quote was written for me. (Funny how so many quotes, song lyrics, etc. appeal to us in such a manner.)

Two other quotes from the book itself that spoke to my heart:

“In the depths of my soul, I longed to be a part of something large and good, something that required all of me; something dangerous and worth dying for.”

“We desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want beauty that can be seen; beauty that can be felt; beauty that affects others; a beauty all our own to unveil.”

I feel like these two statements sum up exactly why I’m on this mission trip. I want to grow and shape myself into a woman that is beautiful inside and out. I want to work on my selfishness and self-centeredness and spiritual growth to become someone that is so beautiful inside that it radiates beauty for all to see. I have met a few people in my life that possess this quality. They may be the ugliest person by society’s standards, but everyone is drawn to them and their beauty by who they are. I want to know that if I died tomorrow, I will have truly touched someone else’s life and fulfilled something great. I know that everyone wants to feel important, but I am an overachiever in all realms of life and this is yet another where I need to do something BIG with all that the Lord has blessed me with. How many people can actually say they’ve been to Africa or experienced this type of thing for a significant amount of time? As much as I continue to hate it here, I know I have been blessed beyond belief.

2/24

So I don’t know what the deal is, but I’ve been sick AGAIN. Monday I woke up not feeling too great, but figured it was just because I was tired or something and as the day progressed I’d get to feeling better. We did the usual – stopped in town to pick up a few supplies and headed to the Institute to work. Well, I got sick at work and we were supposed to go from 8 am until 8 pm that day because there was a Prayer Summits planning meeting in town from 6-8 pm. So I spent the majority of the day being sick and then I had the option to catch the ET’s home with Sekuru Stan or attend the meeting with Pastor Lovejoy. I was far too sick to be venturing through town, so I chose to stick with Lovejoy. We got to the boardroom to prepare and I had to tell Lovejoy that I couldn’t stay in the room for the sake of everyone else. I didn’t think it was fair to get sick in front of everyone in a small room. Thank God I got the courage to say something because as Juliet and I sat in the car (she wanted to skip the meeting anyways so she came out with me) it was not a pretty sight. From what I heard, the meeting went very well and things are moving along beautifully in the planning for the Zimbabwe 2010 Seed Sower Prayer Summits. A good number of people showed up to the meeting and all brought good ideas. After the meeting, Pastor Lovejoy drove around to drop off two women from the meeting and then we arrived home around 9:30 pm. My dad called me just as we got back to the house, which was a very nice surprise. We had the chance to chat for about 15 minutes and just talking to him helped to bring up my spirits. We then had dinner and went to bed. I didn’t sleep much that night because I felt so sick, but it was nice to just rest at least.

Yesterday was just another day spent sick in bed. I slept basically all day just getting up to eat a bit and take a quick bath. I then went to sleep around 8 or 9 pm and slept through the entire night. When I woke up this morning, however, I was still exhausted. I feel so bad about missing work, though, so I just sucked it up and started the day. During breakfast and all I didn’t feel too bad, just tired. On the drive to work, we stopped to pick up supplies as usual. As Juliet and I sat in the car for about an hour, I started to feel extremely weak. It was cool outside and I was drinking plenty of water, but it just hit me. So we got to the Institute and I had to sit down I felt so weak and shaky. The thing is, I got tons of rest and have been eating and drinking plenty. I’m really not sure what is going on. I’ve been sitting around with nothing to do but think (because I was so weak I couldn’t even lift my arms to read or anything). As a result, I took some time to really evaluate what the problem could be. I hate to admit it, but I’m afraid the root of the problem may be myself. I still haven’t really accepted my new life here and I’m still not the biggest fan of Zimbabwe. I’m sure it would be better if the conditions were different – such as I had another American with me or something – but they aren’t. And you know what? I didn’t ask to have this be easy. I will just continue to tell myself that I’m here for a reason, as I know is the truth. This continues to be difficult, but I have learned that you grow the most during the tough times. Why change if things are going well, right? But this is forcing me to evaluate myself and really focus on and work on my flaws to learn to adapt and live with any challenges that come my way.

I have always been a “runner.” If things get tough, I find a way out. It may not always appear that way to others because I find other solutions to my problems. It wouldn’t look like I’m running, but rather fixing things. The truth of the matter is, however, that I simply find something else to deal with or whatnot so that I don’t have to face that particular thing head-on. In this case, I want to run. Like I said a million times, I’d love to be on a plane back home right now, but this time I won’t do it. I’m going to continue to deal with this until I can get the point where I am good. Life isn’t always going to be easy, but that doesn’t mean that you’re allowed to run every time the going gets tough. I think our society is all about what’s easy now rather than what’s right. Look at our divorce rate, case and point. When things seem easy, people get married. When things get rough, they get divorced. That’s the way things go. I want to learn to persevere right now while it’s only my life that it mainly affects as I’m learning and making all these mistakes.

Ok, so I just went off on a huge rabbit-trail. The point of that is that I really need to look deep inside and decide if these illnesses are legitimate or if they’re self-induced. The physical symptoms are real, no doubt, but I am a big believer that our thinking and mental-state plays a huge role into how we physically feel or respond. Is my unhappiness and self-pity causing my constant fatigue and regular illnesses? I think it may at least be playing a part in them… I think that maybe it’s easier to focus on myself and my physical problems than it is to focus on what’s going on around me. All the pain and suffering that you witness on a daily basis is just so hard. Being thrust so far out of my comfort zone is not a walk in the park. Having to face it all “alone” is the worst. Is being sick where I don’t have to even get out of bed or think about anything other than how much my stomach hurts easier? It may not be fun, but easy? Possibly. Now I’m not saying that this is the case, but I do know that I need to make the conscious decision to think more positively. Even today I was so faint that I could barely even talk, but then I started to think about how much the Lord has blessed me. This is a mission TRIP for me. I’m having a hard enough time just visiting for about eight months or so. And even then, at least I have a bed to sleep in and food on the table (even if it is sadza). So many people here are living in sheds or on the street and selling lollipops on the side of the road to earn just enough money to feed just their five starving kids. Even then, so many of them have a positive, loving attitude. They praise the Lord for what little they do get and always keep faith that He will provide.

When I started thinking this way for a while, I regained some strength. I feel so bad sitting around and not working. I feel completely useless and pathetic, even if it is physically very real. With the little bit of strength that I could muster up, I went out to help move the old pieces of wood and metal that are filling an entire room at the Institute here. The school that Pastor Lovejoy bought this place from just left all its scraps all over the place. With the help of all the workers here, Pastor Lovejoy got it all cleaned up and put into one room (there was no where else to put it because it’s not like there’s a garbage truck that comes by or anything). We now need that room as the Institute continues to grow, so after many many phone calls with very unproductive people, they have managed to find us a place back at the school to take their junk that they left here. So today has been dedicated to carrying that stuff over to the school which is within walking distance.

One of the teachers from the school came over and when she saw how sick I was, she asked to pray for me. She offered support and love and said a prayer over me. Her genuine care also helped to get me thinking that I need to quit just contemplating about all this stuff, but actually get on my feet and do something. I still felt really weak, but I decided to start carrying stuff and see how things went. My dad always told me to think and act in a positive manner no matter how you feel. So I put on a strong face and started to carry things. It was even a bit frustrating because even in my poor health, I was carrying twice as much – if not more – than the other women. Now Barbara had been doing other work all day so I couldn’t blame her even if her loads consisted of a very slow pace carrying on little block of wood on her head. Juliet wasn’t doing anything at all, though, and she had just been sitting around all day. It was very frustrating and I wanted to start delegating or encouraging them to do more. Rather, I decided to keep my mouth shut and lead my example. I continued to carry the heavy loads and work quickly even if they were only going to do a very minimal job. As I was dropping off one of my loads, a couple of guys were hanging around the school and were obviously interesting in what this Murungu (“white girl”) was doing. They weren’t doing anything and I decided to just start up conversation with them and be really friendly. They were very interested in what I was doing and why I’m here in Zimbabwe. I decided to just go ahead and ask if they’d like to join me (since obviously the other girls working here had already quit and were just sitting in the grass). The guys seemed even excited that I would ask and all agreed to. They were about 13 or 14 years old and I made it a point to converse with them and make it worth their time as well since I recognize that it’s a big deal to interact with an American. So we continued to carry a couple more loads and made some progress. I can definitely say that they amounted up for the time that I was busy being sick.

I was pushing myself too much, though, and my body started to give out as I felt faint again. They had to leave anyways and I didn’t want to abuse their offer to help out. So I simply told them that I’d be here again tomorrow doing the same work if they got bored I’d love the help. It feels really good knowing that these guys were just sitting around causing havoc, probably vandalizing some stuff at the school, but now they’re doing some good, hard work. It was all through example and being friendly that I not only helped them stay out of trouble, but I also got help at the Institute. So even though I was only able to physically work for about an hour, I feel like it was a very productive day. I’m curious to see if they’ll be back tomorrow. I really don’t care one way or the other because it’d be nice to have the help, but I also feel a bit guilty at the same time using the free labor. I also am learning to hold no expectations. It’ll be interesting to see if they do return.

Now I still feel weak, but I know I am thinking more positively. Pastor Lovejoy and everyone really want me to go to the doctor, but I can’t exactly afford it nor do I want to if it is just my own psychological doings. If I wake up tomorrow and continue to feel sick, however, then I think I may give it a shot. I will at least know then that it truly is physical and not just my emotions or whatnot coming out in an unhealthy manner.

2/21

Yesterday I had plans with Treat to attend a dinner party with her. I was trying so hard to not get my hopes up, but it was really difficult at the same time since my social outings are few and far between. I really miss having interaction with people of my general age group, but I’m also trying to appreciate the time I have along (since that’s all I get when Pastor Lovejoy and Juliet both have plans since they actually know people here and all). It wouldn’t be quite so difficult except that I have no mode of transportation other than Pastor Lovejoy – who is always busy and also not a fan of using the gas to drive – and I feel like I have to ask permission for anything since I’m staying with him. I haven’t quite decided if these limitations are realistic or if I’ve just put them on myself, but either way they’re there.

So Treat and I had arranged that I be dropped off at her house at 1 and we would hang out and get ready then her older sister would pick us up and drive us to the dinner party at 3 pm. It was apparently a surprise party for her cousin’s 10-year wedding anniversary so we had to actually stay on schedule. I had nothing to do of course, so I was just hanging out around the house waiting, praying things would work out and trying to figure out how to handle it if they didn’t. Juliet was gone for a church event all weekend so I was alone as usual. Can I just say that it is so boring and lonely when you are constantly on “house arrest” with no one around and you don’t know the area well enough or feel safe enough to venture out alone? There wasn’t even any electricity so I just sat around and did nothing. To top it all off, it was raining outside so I couldn’t even just sit out there and enjoy the weather.

So I absolutely hated to ask Pastor Lovejoy for a ride, but it was my only option. He drove Juliet to her event earlier and had stuff to do throughout the day but knew I was supposed to be at Treat’s at 1. Well, come 12:50 and he was still nowhere in sight, I texted Treat to inform her that I would be late. She was totally fine with that – she understands the lack of time efficiency here and was appreciative that I actually was considerate enough to keep her updated so she wasn’t sitting around waiting and wondering. Well, I tried to stay patient because I knew LJ was aware of the plans and was busy, so he would come. He had seen how distraught I was by other people’s inability to be diligent and we even talked about how he got frustrated with “Africa time” as well, so obviously he was just held up, but he’d come. Well, by 1:50 I finally decided to just send him a text to ask what time I should tell Treat I’d be there – kind of a nonpushy reminder, plus she had asked. After no response, I tried calling. He had his phone off. Now I was trying to not get upset because he obviously knew the plans and he had his phone with him. I understand that plans change and maybe he got caught up with something else, but he of all people should be considerate enough to at least call and let me know. I knew the phone network was working too, so that was no excuse. I was frustrated with him, but I didn’t want it to ruin my day, so I called Treat to see if there were any other possible plans.

Treat arranged for a taxi to come pick me up and bring me to her house. Thank God! So she came with the man because he wouldn’t go alone and I was saved! The only problem was that she didn’t have any money so I had to pay for the taxi. I assumed it would be the typical fare, maybe a little more expensive since it was a personal cab – maybe $10 max. Well, $40 later and we were at Treat’s cousin’s house and I was broke. Again, disheartening and frustrating, but I was trying to keep my spirits up and still have a good time.

The house was the nicest one I’ve been in here. They even had a pool! That, along with a pet hawk, tortoise, two dogs, etc. It was quite an exciting place. There were people everywhere – all wearing formal attire. I, however, did not get that memo. So I’m now at some party for some couple I’ve never met wearing jeans and a T-shirt and having not brought any food dishes as all the other women had. Needless to say, I felt a bit out of place and did my best to help out in every other possible way. I was carrying dishes left and right, playing with the kids, etc. And oh my, were there a lot of kids! Pretty much every woman there had at least one child, and they all seemed to migrate towards me. Two little girls were fascinated by my hair and I let them “style” it. They kept commenting about how smooth and silky it was, which is funny because my hair is nothing to boast about in general, but especially here where it’s not like I have any decent shampoos or conditioners. They were really sweet, although a bit pushy, but what can you expect from kids that are fighting over attention. (Don’t get me wrong, they are definitely privileged here and get plenty, but you know how most little kids are)

The couple arrived and was so surprised. I felt a bit awkward and very out of place for a while, but did my best to interact and not let my discomfort show. Treat’s older sister, Greta, also did a good job at getting me involved and making sure I wasn’t isolating myself or anything – which was tempting at times. I think I’ve come to rely greatly on myself and technology and whatnot that I have become more introverted whereas I used to be extremely extroverted. I’d like to get that love and comfort of human interaction back.

One man said a toast for the two, which was very nice, and we all had a little champagne. I’m not a huge fan of alcohol in general, but this was good stuff. I had just a tiny bit to be polite and left it at that. (The drinking age here is 18 years old, although I don’t think it’s even enforced much… then again, I don’t think anything is enforced too strongly here such as the speed limit, seat belts, etc.) We then began to eat. And oh my Goodness, do these people know what’s up when it comes to a dinner party. There were lots of people there and more than enough food to feed everyone. Really good food, too. There was the first course which consisted of about 25 or so nice dishes – including ox tail which was considered very good, but I had a taste just to experience it and can’t say it goes on my list of favorites.

After dinner everyone hit the bar and socializing. Most people drank and I had one half-shot of Tequila just to put them at ease that I wasn’t so uncomfortable or anything there. It didn’t affect me at all but it was entertaining to hang around the bar with everyone as they started to loosen up and speak a little more “freely” to me. Although this was a bit more of a “sophisticated” crowd so they were used to white people, I still could tell many people were a bit entranced by my being there. It is still far and few between Americans seen around Zimbabwe. There was also a Middle Eastern family there and one or two other different nationalities. It was really cool being around the different cultures all there for the same reason and having a good time. It just proves that everyone is human regardless of race and that shouldn’t make a difference on how we interact with one another.

One older man – the one that had given the toast at the beginning – was watching Treat drink and gave us a little talk about keeping our morality and not letting men take advantage of us, etc. It was very caring, “fatherly” advice and I found it thoughtful that he wanted to watch out for us. It really did come across as just fatherly, too, like I said. I don’t think he had been drinking, so he seemed to be a genuinely nice older man (probably in his 50’s). Well, that’s what we both thought until Treat turned away to talk to someone else for a moment and he then began to focus on me and tell me how “beautiful” he thought I was and started asking if I had a man back home and who I was staying with here, etc. He implied that he could be my “African man” and later on told me he’d like to give me a ride home. I tried to play it cool and just simply told him no thanks (even though at this point I really did desperately need a ride) and casually avoided him from that point on. Even as he and HIS WIFE were leaving the party, he whispered in my ear to get his number and give him a call if I needed a “lift home.” Now, giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he really was just a nice guy and wanted to make sure I got home safely. But being a somewhat intelligent girl, I decided to pass on his nice offer and rather fend for myself to find some way home. I told Treat about it and she said that it is a very common thing for older men to go after younger girls, even if they are married. The part that struck me as especially odd is that he was very passionate about the Lord. His little lecture to us earlier was all about how God gave us these bodies that we need to respect and take care of and that the Lord blesses us, etc. He seemed to be a very religious man, but you never know what one’s true intentions are. They may just as easily have been respectable intentions and I just misread him, although I can fairly confidently say he was making advances towards me and even tried to get my phone number. Strange, strange, strange.

Nearing the end of the night, another woman there struck up conversation with me. She was a bit tipsy at this point and was going on about how nice HER house was, even in comparison to this. It was funny, but completely just innocent. She also mentioned that she and her husband travel to Malawi on a regular basis and are planning a trip soon. She didn’t like the idea of Zimbabwe being my “idea of Africa” so she was talking about taking Treat and me for a trip to see how beautiful Malawi is. It would either be a road-trip or maybe even a plane ride, both of which she said would be her treat. I don’t know how sincere the offer was, but Treat said that coming from her it is definitely a possibility. She got my cell phone number even and we exchanged texts on Monday, although of course I didn’t mention the trip. She has a special-needs son named Norman who seemed to really like me a lot as well and it would be quite an experience if that ever did work out, although of course I have set absolutely zero expectations on it actually being carried out.

After people hit up the bar for a while (which actually lasted all night pretty much), we cleared the table and put out desserts. There were all sorts of things I’d never seen before and it was all a bit overwhelming. I decided to allow myself to try a bite of everything that I’d never seen before just so I can say I did. There were good things and there were bad, but it was all interesting to try. Shortly after desserts were finished, the women/helpers/I brought out even more food. This was the third serving of what I would consider a full-course meal. There were sausages and cheeses, quesadilla-type things that I think were called something along the lines of “samoras.” There were more sweets and “biscuits” (as cookies are called here). I’m telling ya, there was more food here than I have ever seen before at someone’s personal party. I think there was even more food/drinks here than at our Country Club’s big event parties, which says something.

One of Treat’s friends who is a friend of mine as well now, Tafara, called me at the beginning of the night to see what I was up to. He went to a cricket game while we were at the party and he was planning to hang out with us whenever we were through. Treat gave him a call and his friend Andy, whom I’d also met already, and him got directions to come pick us up and we were going to hang out and then they were going to give me a ride home. (Believe me, getting a ride home is the hardest thing here. I feel so completely helpless without my own form of transportation. Even the ET’s are done and I had spent all my money on the taxi ride getting there anyways. I feel like a constant burden because it’s tough for anyone to find transportation in general, but to have to find additional rides for me to a place that’s completely out of the way for everyone is quite difficult and irritating I’m sure. The fact that “petrol” costs so much and so few people own cars doesn’t help at all either.) Well, about an hour and a half after Treat had spoken with them and they were supposed to come get us, we realized that they had flaked. Again, what a shocker. So now we were stuck with no ride and our plans had fallen through. Treat could find a ride home fairly easily since everyone lived in her general direction, but my only option was to either go home with Mr. Creepo that offered me a personal lift or to call Pastor Lovejoy to come pick me up, which I would rather walk than put that burden on him and have to feel guilty. I still feel like I’m on house-arrest or some juvenile that has to ask permission for everything and can’t ask for rides or do anything that might cause a little extra work or whatnot to him. It’s a sticky situation.

Treat ended up just getting Pastor Lovejoy to let me spend the night at her house so that I wouldn’t have to bother him for a ride then. Her “aunt” and “cousins” (actually her late-mother’s best friend) gave us a ride back to her place where we went to sleep almost right away. We were both exhausted. Unfortunately, I was too busy processing everything that had gone on that evening and couldn’t fall asleep. I was wide-awake until about 4:45 am when I finally fell asleep. I was then woken up at 6:15 am by their helper – the woman I’d hung out with before when I was waiting at Treat’s house for a couple of hours – as she got ready for her church service in the room. Needless to say, I was exhausted. There was no electricity either, so Treat and I just sat around tired and prepared some minced meat out on the fire outside to eat. Pastor Lovejoy came to pick me up around noon and we went home where I rested most of the day. Juliet had her boyfriend Donald over, but I didn’t feel well again (just to make things clear it had nothing to do with the alcohol because I didn’t even drink enough to make my 10-year-old brother tipsy) so I couldn’t quite bring myself to engage with them too much. Plus I wanted to let them have some time to themselves to catch up and meet with Pastor Lovejoy and all. I got sick again that night and haven’t been feeling too well since.

I stayed home from work on Tuesday and slept all day and slept all through the night and now I’m here and still not feeling well. Fun stuff.

Couple’s baby girl dancing with her grandma at the party

<< Greta, Treat >>

And a random of Juliet, Isaiah, and my adventure