Pray Now Zimbabwe

2/20

I left on my African journey exactly one month ago today. It hasn’t technically been a month since I’ve been in Zimbabwe since the travels took over a day, but still a time of reflection. This are getting a little bit better as I am adjusting, but it is taking so much longer than I expected. I believe I’ve learned a lot already, but I know that I still have a long, long ways to go. I wish it weren’t so because I’d still just about give anything to be on a plane back home right this second, but I think that even plays into the evidence that my purpose has not yet been fulfilled. It’s been a month and I still haven’t fully accepted that this is my new life – for a good while at least – and I need to quit dwelling on everything back home. I think it’s ok that I think about stuff back home just to help me recognize what I need to be grateful for and all, but I don’t need to cling onto all the memories and events going on in the present because that just is a waste of time. And quite frankly, it brings my spirits down and keeps me from experiencing all of this full heartedly if a large portion of my heart is still back home.

But like I said, things are getting better. As I learn the way of a life more and more each day and grow accustomed to our routines, I’m becoming more comfortable here. Ok, I don’t know if “comfortable” is the right word, but it is becoming a bit less overwhelming each and every day. I’m making an effort to engulf myself, just as I had initially intended. I continue to learn bits and pieces of the Shona language and try to actually use them as much as possible. I’ve realized that this is one of the best ways to share Christ’s love with the people is to show them that we are all in this together and I’m going to do my best to be a part of them and love them just as they’re showering me with love.

Along the lines of my faith, I am continuing to see little bits of progress. Very little bits, but they are there nonetheless. I have noticed that my prayers are beginning to feel at least a tiny bit like I’m actually praying TO something as opposed to just going through the motions. A dear friend recommended that I specifically pray and ask Jesus to assure me that He is what the Bible says He is. Right now the detailed instructions have been the most helpful because I reached a point where I was so completely lost that I didn’t even know where to start. I continue to pray, regardless of if I believe or feel anything because I don’t want to give up completely. I know that I’ll find what I need to find in the end, even if that does mean just going through the motions for some time. Eventually the feelings will come. And I spoke with my dad for the second time since I’ve been here on the phone and he advised me to quit thinking so hard about it and simply do it. That’s what faith is all about right? Doing even in the lack of reason and logic. So at first I was a little defensive and wanted to say “what do you think I’m trying to do?!” but instead I tried to just take what he had to say to heart and actually give it a shot. And then a friend from back home wrote me a letter in which he also advised me to quit thinking so much about it. AND THEN my daily devotional even continued that same trend to say:

“We rarely ever see grace immediately. But you don’t have to look very far back to see it. That is a part of what it means to be saved by grace through faith. You go ahead, regardless of what happens—and then you see it. When we are disciplined, we still go into that secret place [even when] we don’t see something immediately happening. It’s when you get beyond thinking about it that it begins to pay incredible dividends.”

Now I had to admit that this appears to be the Lord speaking to me. One thing after another is saying the exact same thing, and it’s saying something new that I haven’t heard before. Ok God, I gotcha – even my doubting mind can’t deny this one. It doesn’t mean I’ve fully surrendered and found salvation, but just another building block in the foundation of my faith. It would be incredible to be zapped and have that spiritual awakening in which I know the Lord all at once and it is so clear, but I imagine my eyes and heart will blossom slowly from the seed that was planted throughout my childhood growing up with Christian parents in a Christian community. For now, I have to believe that the best way to water and nurture this flower is to simply let it be. I will continue to study and learn, but I will try to quit thinking about the journey itself and simply BE. “Be still and know that I am God.” It sounds so much easier than I tend to make it. This week I will consciously make an effort to NOT think about it all. I will simply trust and pray and study, but not bring logic into the equation for the time being.

2/24

hey yall! i am still alive, just been sick/no electricity/no internet/no time… the usual. i’ll have lots of added posts up soon. i apologize in advanced that there will be a bombardment of posts due to the circumstances, but they will be up ASAP. love yall!

2/18

Yesterday was fairly uneventful. We stopped in town on the way to the Institute to pick up some supplies. As usual, what may have taken one 10-minutes run to Wal-Mart or Home Depot back home took an hour of stopping in different shops and frustration with the poor customer service. Customer service is a foreign concept to most people here. For instance, in a store, the staff will be too busy socializing and if you ask for help they’ll look annoyed, finish up their conversation – regardless of how long it takes – then slowly do the bare minimum of what’s been asked of them. Now keep in mind that this in no way applies to all Zimbabweans (you should see Sakuru Stan or Michael work) but it just seems like many store employees act this way. I see it as just another thing to teach me better patience, learn to be more appreciative of the quality work back home, and specifically pray about in the restoration of this nation.

We spent the day working in the Institute and head out around 5 pm. During the time at work, one of the helpers, Barbara, took Juliet and me to look at daycares for her kids. As usual when I go out in public areas, people were throwing attention my way. We check out three daycares – all interesting. One woman (of the daycare that I took a picture of the kids during naptime below) wasn’t going to tell Barbara the details about her daycare for fear that her methods would be stolen to open up a competing daycare. Barbara just used me and said the “Murungu” (“white person”) was going to pay for her kids, in which case the woman immediately opened up and treated her well. I don’t actually have the money to do so, but Barbara was clever to say that. People along our journey (we walked the entire time of course) continued to greet me with the little English they know, and when I greeted them back in Shona, it was touching to see them gleam the way they did. Again, to have a “white person” treat them as equals was something new to majority of these people. Yet in the end, I was the one most blessed to have the opportunity to simply be nice and in return witness such gratitude. It really is the little things in life that mean the most.

After work, we stopped by Pastor Lovejoy’s brother-in-law’s house to pick up some stuff. Along the drive over there, a traffic light was out (very common) and a policeman had actually taken the initiative to be directing traffic (very rare). One of the ET’s (which are always crazy drivers) was trying to go around on the side and get through quicker, and the policeman straight up punched the driver in the face. I didn’t actually see it, but Pastor Lovejoy and Juliet did. As bad as that sounds, it actually was a good thing to have someone doing a good job at controlling such chaos, and showing that he isn’t someone to be taken advantage of. I hate to admit it, but I was disappointed to miss the excitement. The taxi driver that got punched didn’t even really react. He simply got back into line and apologized. He was shown what’s up, that’s for sure. At Pastor LJ’s brother-in-law’s house I received my first letter from home in the mail as well – so exciting!! (Thank you Aunt Maureen!) We waited around there for about an hour, then finally went home and arrived around 6:30-7 pm. Juliet and I heated up the dinner that Mbuya Evelyn prepared on the gas stove because we didn’t have electricity. It was funny because Lovejoy actually got the hot water and washed us girls’ hands for once. This is so completely against tradition. He made it clear that it was a one-time thing, so we should cherish the service (he was just having fun with us, although it is true). The men are always served by the women, and the elders are typically served by the youth.

We still didn’t have electricity and it was very dark by now, so I simply did a few things then went to bed around 10 pm since I’ve been so exhausted. Once again, though, I didn’t sleep well. I wonder if I ever will…

This morning we were allowed to sleep in until around 7:15 am, but since I didn’t really fall asleep anyways, I woke up naturally before 6 am. I continued to lie around and finally got up at around 7 am.

We had a quick breakfast and were off to town. Today we brought bags and bags of corn kernels to the mill to be ground up into “mealie meal” – the stable food here. It’s ground up white corn that is cooked to make sadza and many other basic dishes. They are extremely effective in using it in so many ways. I continue to be impressed. We were at the little consumer-type mill for about an hour. People gathered there, having carried, wheel-barrowed, driven, etc. their bags of dried white corn to be ground up. The owner of this thing was possibly the first really great customer service-oriented guys I’ve seen here. He was so vivacious and made sure to speak with everyone that came. He did a good job. Here is a picture of the machines. The one on the right is the machine that cleans the kernels. The one on the left actually grinds them up into a powder (which you then add water to and cook for sadza).

So we finally got our 50 kgs of mealie meal and made our way into town. I got my visa renewed today. It expires on February 20^th so we had to make sure to get it done before that date. I only asked for another 30-day extension (part of the process) and it was surprisingly quick and pain-free. Then while Lovejoy went to run some more errands, Juliet and I took off to find her a new dress for some church event she’s attending this weekend. We shopped around for a while – with a bit less commotion I must add – and she finally found a really nice one with a sweater to cover up with. I find it somewhat ironic that I was the one to keep her within budget and help her find a less-expensive outfit. She tended to wander towards the over-priced items. In the end, our mission was successful. Although I was less hassled in town than normal, two extreme instances did occur. One, some guy tried to give me a free pair of shoes in exchange for me joining him for lunch. It was a nice gesture, but I don’t want to send out the wrong message when I was not interested and I don’t want to be selfish and just use him. I was still very nice to him though. He then asked for my phone number – as many guys have here, and as always, I simply told him I don’t have a phone here. It’s reasonable enough, and politely turns them down. I received a unique response from this guy: he handed me his phone. It was a nice phone, too, not one of the typical basic, cheap ones most people have here. He told me to have his so he could call me. It was all somewhat in fun, but I’m pretty sure he seriously meant it and would’ve followed through had I let him. I don’t want to take advantage of anyone while I’m here though, so it didn’t happen.

The second standout incident wasn’t so entertaining. I have gotten to the point where I feel safe in almost all parts of Zimbabwe. I still take precautions, like clutching my bag while carrying it on my shoulder, keeping it zipped, etc. As we were walking today, in the middle of a busy part of town in full daylight, some guy that looked completely normal grabbed my watch really hard and tugged. He locked eyes with me as he passed and kept glaring even as he kept walking. It was so obvious that he tried to steal my watch, but it was like no big deal. It was a very strange encounter, and I’m still somewhat baffled by it. I was somewhat mad too. Who is this guy to try to steal my watch and think it’s perfectly ok? He hurt me a bit too when he grabbed my wrist so hard. And you know what? It is just some cheap, pink digital watch – nothing nice or expensive even. Anyways, he didn’t get it, but it did help me face reality and remember to always stay aware.

Juliet and I caught an ET to the Institute from town. I’m telling ya, every single time I’m involved with one of those things, it makes for quite an exciting time. The drivers will run over anyone that crosses their path, so avoid doing so at all costs. They yell and yell and do crazy things to get people to ride in their taxi. There were two “recruiters” on this one that were crazy! It was so funny, they were running along side it yelling at people to get in or hanging on the side of the taxi. One of the guys simply grabbed a man’s suitcase and threw it into the taxi to get him to come in ours. They yell things like “Get in the car old man” or “Hurry up fat lady” (in Shona of course). Everyone just takes it too. It was funny to watch them in action. They were really friendly at the same time though.

Juliet and I snagged seats in the front where it’s less crowded. Here are pictures in the ET. You can’t tell from this angle, but there are about 22 people in a van that should sit 12 people max. The guy in yellow and green stripes was one of the recruiting guys. The other one was probably hanging on the side of the taxi or running beside it trying to get more people to squish in.

So Juliet and I arrived at the Institute after an adventurous journey once again. We (mainly I) had lots of things to do, but once again, no electricity. They have a generator there, but it is nothing but trouble trouble trouble. So needless to say, the work once again didn’t get completed until we can get some decent electricity. We found some other tasks to complete though. We ended up leaving earlier today, around 3:30 pm because Pastor Lovejoy had some other things to do and it was pretty pointless to be there when we could be getting the work done at home if there was electricity. Lovejoy dropped Sakuru Stan, Juliet, and me in town to catch transportation home. It started to pour; so needless to say, it was another adventure to get home. It ended up clearing up just as we were getting dropped off at the road leading to the house. God is good! So we walked the half a mile or so back with nice, cool, dry weather. We are planning on going for a walk or jog with Luke in a little bit as well; maybe I’ll have some more to tell then.

Update:  Juliet was too tired to go for a jog, but Luke agreed to meet at 6 pm. Surprise, surprise, he didn’t show. I waited around until 6:30 and then I finally decided I need to quit wasting my life away waiting. So I grabbed my iPod and went for a little jog around a loop that I know my way around. It was probably just about half a mile, but then I started to think about a lion jumping out at me (there aren’t even any wild lions here) or a bad guy grabbing me. I think I was more so just making up excuses to quit because I was tired anyways. So I came back in and had some dinner with Juliet after just about half a mile of a jog. Pathetic, I know, but oh well. Maybe it’ll work out tomorrow? Turns out Luke didn’t even come at all. I am little by little learning to quit getting my hopes up and be flexible and deal with change or disappointment. I can honestly say that I am not even mad at Luke, although it would’ve been nice to go out and get some exercise. I don’t feel too safe by myself though, plus I always need someone else to go with me for motivation. (I miss our workouts Kristin!!!) So it turned out ok – not great physically, but I was tired anyways and have walked around a lot today. But emotionally I’m hanging in there and doing well. Now I’m just listening to the Eli Young Band and wishing I could go to Chilifest back at college. But I know there’s always next year and life is still good. I feel peace knowing that I’m exactly where I need to be, regardless of the obstacles.

2/16

Yesterday was nice. At the Institute I worked on finding the categories that would be appropriate for a Ministry Library that is being set up. We are getting that going and getting students, which is such a blessing! After work Juliet and I joined Isaiah and Luke for another walk. They were taking me out to see the monkeys since it didn’t quite work out last week. So we ventured over through a really nice part of town and found the trees where the monkeys tend to hang out. Everyone was really nice along the way, as usual. Some guys informed us that it wasn’t the right time to see the monkeys, though – that they had all gone home at that point. So we were discouraged, but it didn’t stop me from trying. The two guys saw how hopeful we were and directed over to some trees where we had a very slight chance of catching a glimpse of one or two little rebel monkeys. So of course we head over into that direction and I started my monkey calls. My three companions were laughing at my pathetic attempts at attracting the monkeys, and I have to admit I was quite a sight. I was embarrassing myself, but what’s the fun in life if you can’t be a complete idiot sometimes, right?

And you know what? It worked!!! We saw about three or four monkeys up in one of the trees!  There was even a mama and a baby monkey. They were so cute. They were probably about the size of a large house-cat or so, and they were just swinging around and having a good ol’ time. I tried to get some pictures of them, but they were so high up and kept hiding behind branches and different tree limbs. I’ll attach a picture of one of my meager attempts to share my monkey adventure. So it was a successful trip nonetheless. As usual, we enjoyed the journey home as well and ran into a few friends. I got some pictures with them as well just so people can put a face to a name.

Monkey sighting:

Luke, Isaiah, Juliet:

(in monkey woods) (being “tough”)

Dread (in red), Costa (blue), Kingston (green):

Juliet holding the baby (before… a week old, born the night I got there) and (after… last night w/ the picture that the parents asked me to bring for them from a magazine):

We also stopped at Dread’s house to meet with his wife and baby. His son was so scared of me and started crying anytime he looked at me. I think I may have been the first white person he’s ever seen. So Luke took him away to comfort him and stop him from crying:

(I also added a picture of Mbuya Evelyn on a previous post)

I then did some work for Pastor Lovejoy and went to bed late and woke up early and am exhausted. Now we’re spending the day at the Institute working on preparations for the Seed Sower Prayer Summit that will be held in Zimbabwe this summer. It’s really cool; it’s the gathering of many people in prayer to restore the nation of Zimbabwe. To be honest, I don’t even know all the details or anything about it, but I am going to be working at it and attending. It is such an amazing thing to see so many people coming together in Christ’s name to bring back our biggest weapon against evil – prayer.

Speaking of prayer, I have had a very slight, slight breakthrough with my prayer life. I continue to take part in it, but it’s still felt so superficial and shallow. I’ve felt like I’m just going through the motions and saying what “should” be said, yet I’ve had no emotions or feeling behind it. It’s like I’m just talking, but not communicating or speaking WITH anyone. I’m starting to get a very little sense of communication back. This morning when I prayed, I didn’t feel that connection yet, but I did feel like maybe I was actually speaking to someone rather than just saying words and going through the motions. So please continue to pray for my spiritual walk. Also, I have a question that I would really like some feedback on. I’m searching and seeking right now answers about the Lord. I was wondering what different people’s approach to this matter is: Do you pray to an “outside” God, like up to the heavens, or do you pray into your heart? I know it’s a weird question and I know it’ll be different for everyone, but I’d just like to hear from other Christian’s perspectives of different prayer and understanding of the Lord. For example, when I prayed before when I did have my “strong” faith, I had the feeling that I was speaking to an outside spirit. I would pray as if God were up in Heaven listening to me. But after some exploration, I’m starting to wonder if maybe it’ll help my connection if I pray into my own heart. The Holy Spirit dwells within me, and from my understanding, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are all in one. In which case the Lord also dwells in my heart, so should my prayer be directed towards my heart and insides? I doubt many people will be able to understand my bizarre logic or thoughts or even understand what I’m asking, but if you do, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Either write a comment on here if you’re comfortable or pop me an e-mail at dstedman9189@neo.tamu.edu. Please don’t be shy about it. Even if you’re reading this and I’ve never met you in my life, I’ll be honored and really excited to get a response, so go for it!

Thanks!

Also, as the preparations for the Seed Sower Prayer Summit move into full swing – although the main planners have been working on this since the day the last one ended I believe – I’m going to try to include more updates on that as well. This is a powerful thing. One of my main purposes behind this mission trip was to find direction and meaning in my life. This Prayer Summit is brimming with both of those. There is such a powerful vision regarding the conference. Not only is it physically meeting and getting together in the three main cities of Zimbabwe to pray, but also it is bringing awareness and unity in the restoration of the Nation under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. I hope people will sign up on the Prayer List on the side of this webpage and begin praying specifically for the restoration of Zimbabwe in the name of Christ. Also, please even open your hearts up to the idea of possibly coming to join me here in the summer to be a part of the Summits. I already know that it will be an experience like no other, full of Christ’s love and blessings, so to be a part of it would be something special. And you can start the preparations now if you’re interested! But either way, Zimbabwe needs all the prayers and support you can give, so sign up on the prayer list to even just add a little shout out to this Nation as you say your daily prayers. J I will begin to give more updates on the progression of the Pray Summit and include interviews and thoughts or ideas from other people that are involved. As much fun as I am to read blab about my days and thoughts and all, we all know that I have so much to learn. I will bring in some of the “big dogs” here to add depth and wisdom to the mission going on here.

2/14

Happy Valentines Day! While everyone back home is exchanging cards and flowers and love, I spent the day alone. You know what, though – I’m not complaining. For the first time in my life, I’m beginning to understand the significance of rest. I’ve spent the past two Sundays just relaxing and reading my Bible a bit and not getting caught up in the everyday chaos that is life. It’s been so liberating. Back home, if I were to ever take a day off like this, I’d feel so guilty. My life is always go, go, go and if I’m not productive then I’m not successful or happy. Yet this newfound ability to simply rest and reflect on my week is quite liberating – and probably quite necessary to help restore my sanity after overwhelming amounts of newness and change each and every day. I’m still working on that whole “improvise, adapt, and overcome” bit. Change has never been a friend of mine, but again, I guess I did (stupidly) say I wanted to get out of my comfort zone.

Today Pastor Lovejoy had to attend a funeral so we didn’t make it to church. To be honest, I have to admit that I actually felt relief because church in such a different land is a bit scary and I don’t think I get too much out of a sermon in Shona. I recognize that this is something I need to get over. I’m sure Pastor LJ would be happy to accommodate my needs for an English-speaking church, but I’m scared to go alone. Everyone stares at me wherever I go anyways, but to have everyone watching my every move while I’m on this rocky road of religion and searching is not something I’d care to share. But, oh hey, once again, there’s another thing I came here in hopes of learning. I want to learn to have a relationship with the Lord and devote my whole heart into it. I’ve been so consumed in this world and pleasing everyone around me that I’ve let my connection with God go. I seriously quit going to church sometimes or would stop paying attention to a really powerful sermon just because I was emotional and so hungry for the Truth that I’d start to tear up. I was so sensitive that any little bit of love or passion I’d start to feel would move me, yet I always pushed it away the second I felt it coming. I would rather turn away from God and continue to listen to the Enemy than have people see me cry. That’s how desperately lost I have been – and still am if I’m honest with myself – in the worldly things. That’s the barrier that I need so desperately to break through. I want to have that connection and relationship where God is the only one I care about. I want to live for Him. I don’t want to live for the materialism or parties or pleasing of anyone but Christ Jesus. But with that being said, what am I going to do to actually make it happen? This is the tough part. I know what I want, but I don’t know how to actually get there or if I’m willing to take the difficult steps in order to achieve what I already know is waiting there for me. As messed up as it is, I think if I were at church right now and I could feel the Lord speaking right to me and it moved me to tears, I’d probably continue my cycle and start thinking about rainbows and ponies and butterflies in order to prevent myself from being seen crying. When am I actually going to let myself take those necessary steps? I’m halfway across the world, it’s not like I’m going to see these people ever again anyways. Who are they to judge me? I have no doubt in my mind that they are so happy just to have me here, they would rejoice in seeing my emotions and completely understand. They wouldn’t judge me even for two seconds, yet I’m so hard on myself that it still scares me to death the idea of someone seeing me weak. I don’t know what I’m going to do about it, but just putting it out there and exploring this truth will hopefully get me kick started on it.

Ek, I’m sitting outside at night typing this up. The electricity is out so I’m sitting out here with a candle next to me, but otherwise it’s pitch black outside. I can’t see even five feet in front of me. One of the big spiders just crawled across my leg, though. I can honestly say that I’ve gotten completely used to them and no longer feel even the slightest bit freaked out seeing them in my room or anything, but to actually feel its eight nasty legs creep across me was a bit startling. Even then, rather than jump up and scream like I would before, I didn’t even cringe. My insides may have shrieked a bit, but that was it. It was on me and now it’s not and that’s that. I wonder if I’ll be this relaxed about spiders when I return home. The difference between my African friends here and those horrible things back home is that I’m positive each and every one I see back home is a black widow or brown recluse. You can’t be friends with something that wants to kill you. Simple logic, right?

Other than the spider and occasional mosquito or moth, it’s absolutely beautiful out here. As much as I’ve complained and been wallowing in self-pity and wanted to go home, this is one thing that keeps me going. The weather is ridiculously hot with no air conditioning, yes, but anything is better than the cold. And it’s sunny pretty much every day here. There are random and fairly common cool times as well. For instance, right now there’s a breeze and it feels perfect. So HAH to everyone who is sitting at home with high-speed Internet and warm showers and microwaves, at least I’m not stuck in the bitter cold and snow! Just kidding… but really. It is beautiful here if you open your eyes and focus on the God-given qualities rather than the trash and messed up infrastructure. All of that is superficial anyways and could potentially be fixed. Plus who’s to say that it even need be fixed? People seem to have found happiness regardless here, and maybe my outlook is the thing that needs to be altered rather than the potholes and mounds of litter. Ok, maybe a compromise will work on this one.

My outlook does need to be reevaluated in many realms, though. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but it’s quite obviously true. I’m sure the people reading are constantly seeing it for themselves and wishing they could shake some sense into me. I’m learning little by little. Please be patient with me and give me as much advice or insight that you have. The “outlook” that I’m talking about in this case is Mbuya Evelyn. I have gone on about how much she doesn’t like me and how much she’s in the wrong and all. I was so sure that I had done everything in my power to be the “good” person here. Surprise, surprise, I was wrong. Pastor Lovejoy and I discussed the issue at dinner last night and he really opened up my eyes. I’m ashamed to admit that I was so stuck in victim-mode that I blamed Mbuya for all my sense of discomfort and made it sound like she was the Cruella Deville of Zimbabwe. I have to apologize for the stance I took and my power of word to “get back at her” by saying the negative things. I noticed that she has been nicer to me the past day or two, but thought it was my doings of maybe winning her over a bit. Pastor Lovejoy explained to me the cultural difference. She is their helper. In fact, she was his Mother-In-Law’s helper, so it’s even a bit of a different situation for him. I am a guest. It is typically not even appropriate for her to speak to me, let alone associate or anything with me. She has been cold and what I considered rude because that’s the “proper” thing to do. Also, the language barrier really is more problematic than you’d imagine. It’s so awkward and uncomfortable even if we do try to talk that it’s almost better to avoid one another. I, in turn, started to play the victim-card and focused on each and every little thing that she did that could be taken the wrong way. For instance, she really did laugh when I got sick, but I’m sure it wasn’t about THAT per say. I have to admit it was probably pretty funny seeing me fling open my door and dash past her to make it to the toilet just in the knick of time. Sometimes other people’s problems really are entertaining. Why else would people be so caught up in gossip magazines and such? So anyways, Lovejoy spoke with her and I think he possibly cleared up some of our differences with her as well and maybe “gave her permission” or whatnot to talk to me and be more friendly. Ever since, I’ve noticed a drastic difference in her attitude towards me. She is now friendly and laughs or smiles and she has even come in and asked me a couple of times what specifically I’d like for dinner. I can’t say I particularly enjoy this because I don’t know what is available and would much rather just have her cook whatever is most convenient and easiest for her, but the thought really does make me feel more welcomed. The difference in cultures/”rank” caused a problem that could have been avoided had I been more open-minded and aware.

Here’s a picture of me and Mbuya Evelyn in honor of our new-found relationship:

Another thing that I was completely unaware of was the situation with Mugabe. I will be the first to admit that I’m not the most culturally literate person, but I made a big error. In a previous post I called Mugabe a dictator. I honestly thought that’s what he was called – like it was fact, not some offensive comment. I guess I haven’t actually heard anyone refer to him here or speak of him as anything but “President”, but for some reason I’d had that in my mind from back home. Once again, my ignorance shines through. I don’t know if I’m the only one that thought he was technically a dictator, but now I know he is not. He is simply President and they are actually having elections and working on a constitution and all that fun stuff. So my bad! (again) I don’t want to sound like I’m constantly making mistakes or stuck in my own head or anything, but I also feel like it’s only right for me to correct the errors that I catch. If I leave it unmentioned, then who is to know the difference between fact or fiction, right? So hopefully I don’t make TOO many more mistakes, but this is all a learning process as I go. Thanks for putting up with my ignorance along the ride.

2/13

So I’m still sick in bed… I don’t know what the deal is! I feel really crappy, but it’s not to the point where I’m worried at all – more so just frustrated and I feel bad that I missed an entire week of work for Pastor Lovejoy. I have literally just been in bed all week and up occasionally for meals. I can tell we’re running short on money when for breakfast this morning I had one small egg, a slice of tomato, and some old crackers that literally had bugs burrowed in them that I had to just dig out. Nothing better than a nutritious, delicious little crawler, right? Honestly I’m just happy that we haven’t resorted to the rats yet. And I know Pastor Lovejoy continues to sacrifice to keep Juliet and I well fed. It’s just so different not having the money or grocery store to just go pick up whatever I feel like to eat. And even though I’m so desperately dying for a McDonald’s ice cream cone, the electricity is out so much that we can’t risk buying anything perishable anyways. I am continually in amazement that we haven’t all keeled over from mad cow disease after raw meat has been sitting in a warm freezer for some time. Mbuya obviously knows what she’s doing, though, because I know that food poisoning isn’t my issue.

I love all the continued emails and comments and stuff that everyone is sending. You have no idea how much each and every one of them mean to me! Especially now. Being in bed for 24/7 for the past week pretty much has left me with a lot of thinking time. I realize that I’ve had many dreams about being home or just seeing my family or friends. Every time I wake up, I’m so happy because for a second I think I’m back home and that all this Africa stuff was a dream. I’m quickly thrust back into the reality of my life right now. It’s always a disappointment that I can’t just turn over and give my parents a call or pop on facebook or something, but I have come to realize that I really truly need to work on getting over that. I’m here for over seven more months. I’ve been here for almost a full month. This is my life and I need to learn to fully accept and even embrace that. How am I ever going to grow and help if I’m too stuck in myself and stuck in my thoughts of being back home. That will not help anything or anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I am still hoping and praying to get the continued contact from back home, but I know that it needs to be just another part of life, not the only thing I live for at this point. Things seem tough, but what an opportunity this is! And as difficult as this may seem to me, I have the “good life” while I’m here compared to 99% of the people. Hopefully I can learn to digest that for all it’s worth and move forward.

It has been brought to my attention – rightfully so – that my comments regarding Mugabe in my last post were, um, inappropriate I guess I should say. There goes my naivety once again. I could even go as far as to say that was my arrogance. I can say that I am proud to be an American, but who’s to say that I have the right to say what is right or wrong for Zimbabwe. I have my opinions, yes, but this isn’t about politics. This is about uniting this nation through prayer and love. It’s sad to see the difficulties that children are suffering, but I have no idea what Mugabe is actually like. President Mugabe is in a powerful position, so just like anyone with power, there comes a lot of blame and responsibility and such. Who am I to say where he stands on things or what he should or should not do? The only thing we need to focus on right now is how to touch these individual’s lives and spread the love of Christ. Again, even if I don’t feel it right now, I know that it’s there and that is all that matters.

So I’m off back to bed to rest some more and hope that I’m all back to health by tomorrow. I can’t believe tomorrow is Valentines Day! Of course I don’t have a Valentine here, but my dad did send me a letter to save for it, so at least I have that to look forward to. And you better believe I have been thinking about that simple card for days. It has been so tough not opening it when I’m feeling really lonely or anything. The funny thing is, it could seriously just be a blank card with a heart on it saying “Love, Dad” and it would make my day. The simple things in life really are the most important at the end of the day when nothing turns out to be as it seems. Who really cares about all the materialistic stuff if you don’t have anyone to share it with or any significance in your life?

And random note, I was watching the movie Friday Night Lights last night, after I’ve finished the whole first three seasons of Entourage (thanks again Nathan!!!). That movie was so bizarre. It was pretty good, but then apparently I didn’t get the entire thing downloaded so it ended right after the pep talk in the halftime break of the State game. Seriously??! So someone needs to fill me in on how that movie ends because I was actually getting my hopes up. Dangit! Oh, and I’ve always heard people obsess about Entourage and how amazing it is. I am somewhat hooked, but at the same time I’m already noticing little changes in myself since I’ve been here… such as I’m actually somewhat repulsed by all the cursing in it. I’d just gotten so used to bad language that it didn’t mean anything to me, but after not hearing people throw around the F-bomb or anything at all here, I realize that it really isn’t necessary to curse. Well, maybe every now and then to make a point or blow off some steam, but not like it’s used to frequently back home. So everyone watch your language! just kidding, but maybe at least think about it.

Oh, and guess what! Mbuya Evelyn actually smiled at me yesterday morning!!! I think that if we didn’t have such a language barrier, she’d actually probably talk my ear off. She talks to Juliet non-stop about anything and everything. I’m starting to think that Mbuya actually does have a good heart, I just have probably made it difficult with my cultural ignorance to make that connection. And she is so vivacious and full of life that it’s all good. Plus she has managed to raise some of my favorite kids here, so she can’t be all bad. In fact, Luke came over again last night to check up on me and see how I’m doing. He is such a sweetheart. Along with all the other guys I’ve become friends with here. They’ve been texting/calling me literally non-stop just seeing how I’m doing and giving me words of hope and encouragement and  Christ’s love, etc. These Zimbabweans sure do have hearts of gold.

And one last thing… I’ll try to post some pictures of the house and stuff sometime soon. I know it’s always nice to have an imagine to go along with what I’m talking about. For instance, you can see the bed I’ve been living in for the past week. And the kitchen Mbuya glares at me from. And hopefully I’ll be back in action soon enough to just get my life going again and get pictures and stories up and running again rather than just all my reminiscing and contemplating life’s issues. Heck, I have hundreds of pictures on my computer and I think I looked at every single one of them last night. I’ve never adored the pictures of my family or friends more in my entire life. True story. Oh, and Taylor… I started making a silly little video for you although I doubt the Internet will actually ever let me send it to you. But I’m thinking about everyone back home and loving all of you!

2/10

First of all, my apologies to those that actually follow this thing… I’ve been blessed with electricity AND water (*gasp*, I know, right?!) for the past few days, but my body didn’t seem to celebrate as much as I’d hoped. So I’ve been out of business due to health. I’m still not feeling quite up to par, but with the help of a few letters I’d been waiting to read, lots and lots of rest, a few good dreams, and prayers, I’ve mustered up the energy to put my many thoughts down before passing out in bed for another day or two. (Not really, I’m confident that I’ll be fine and dandy come tomorrow morning.)

I really have been in bed for the past two days, so not much to report on in the adventures of Dani. I have, however, still managed to get some Zimbabwean news and insight. For example, Mbuya Evelyn does, in fact, thoroughly dislike me. It’s not just me full of self-pity or feeling like the world is against me. I have continued to be as little bother to her as possible, make her feel appreciated in a completely non-patronizing way, and respect her and her culture to the highest degree. Unfortunately, this one may be a no-winning situation. I’m not saying that I’m going to give up, but I’m going to try to not be bothered by it anymore. I’ll just continue to be myself and love on her, but expect nothing in return. When I heard her laughing (and Juliet validated it later) at me running to the bathroom to make it to the toilet in time so I wouldn’t have to empty out my own puke-bucket, I think that’s what solidified my concerns. To be fair, however, it must have been funny seeing this little “spoiled” American girl having to fend for herself for once and not have “Mommy” to take care of me. And believe me, there was no “Mommy” to take care of me. I got this one on my own… even when I would’ve killed just for a glass of cold water but was too weak to get up. I can complain all I want, but it actually has been a good experience. My very first thought, in fact, was that I bet Mbuya, along with all the other Africans, still have to work and fend for their families even when they’re deathly ill. She doesn’t get a day off of work when she can barely stand. (Ok, I have no doubt that Pastor Lovejoy would make her rest and not work if she were ill, but he’s an exception…) We are so fortunate back home to live in an understanding society. I know that when I’m sick back home, I have my family to take care of me and friends calling me around the clock to make sure I’m ok and offer to bring me soup. It’s almost even relaxing to be sick – if you don’t factor in all the make-up work and body aches. At least, back home, I have that reassurance that I’m not alone and that I have people that care about me and will cut me a break. Here, a break means no food on the table. Thank you Zimbabwe. (Oh, and random note: they very rarely use ambulances here, even when the ill person doesn’t have a ride, because the gas is so expensive that they’d rather just let the people die I guess. Again, we are so blessed to be in America.)

Staying on the subject of Mbuya Evelyn, her precious little boy, Tanaka, stayed home from school today. In fact, he’ll probably be staying home for a little while. You know why? The teachers are on strike. They get paid $100 per month, which I can’t even imagine how far they can by on that since things are pretty expensive here. Apparently there was no school for the entire year of 2008(?) because the teachers were on strike. Mugabe, the dictator, could obviously care less because his children are either in private schools or out of the country. If it doesn’t affect him, then who cares about it, right? Oh the beauty of such a government. I found that fascinating, though. Again, going along the same lines as when someone gets sick, how are these parents supposed to watch their kids? It’s not like there’s daycare available. It’s not like they could afford it even if there were. For all I know, they just have to leave the kids at home to play in the street with the other kids in the compound. I’ll be interested to see how long the strike lasts this time. The teachers are demanding $400 per month, which is not happening. Seriously though, at least they are able to actually take a stance at this point rather than all just being killed or something, right? I don’t exactly know what to think about this issue right now.

I did get a firsthand glimpse at how the children are potentially affected by it, however. Without proper schooling, the children – especially the orphans, who there are many of – are left to fend for themselves throughout the day. What’s to keep them off the streets now?

After work on Monday, Juliet, Pastor Lovejoy, Sakuru Stan, and myself drove into town to pick up a guy. Like I said, gas is so expensive here that people don’t just drive or have cars here on a regular basis. Pastor Lovejoy is getting some work done at the house, so rather than the guy coming out himself, we had to pick him up. Again, we got to personally experience “Africa time.” He was only about an hour or more late – I’m trying to learn that that’s no big deal. As we were waiting in the car (turned off, of course), we had our windows down to allow a little air in. Two kids, probably 6 or 7 years old came up to my window. There was a boy and a girl, both in tattered, dirty clothes. The boy put out his hand to the window, asking for money. I didn’t have any on me, but even if I did, I would be broke in two seconds if I gave it away to all the people that ask me here. The boy was speaking Shona, but Juliet translated it to me. I tried not to make eye contact, as I’ve been advised, but he wouldn’t leave. He just kept asking and saying, “please, I’m hungry.” I didn’t even have any food or anything, but I still felt so bad. To top it off, people (including Juliet) were looking at me like I was a monster. Who in the world was this selfish American to hold back from this poor boy? It seemed like an eternity before he finally left the window and went on his way, even waiting around for a minute or two longer after I shook my head and showed him, sorry, but I don’t have anything. Again, it’s sad that people here are taught from such a young age that they should just expect handouts from the white people. That’s something that I really admire about the LEAD Program – that even though it takes donations, the children still have to earn what they’re given. Whether it be through good grades, good behavior, some actual labor, etc., they are taught that hard work pays off and that they can’t expect to just be given things for the rest of their lives. These kids actually have a shot at going somewhere with their lives. Thank the Lord!

Ok, so on another note, while we were in town to pick up that guy, I found something else interesting. Pastor Lovejoy asked Juliet and I to get him a Coke while we waited. He handed me an empty glass Coke bottle and acted like there was some purpose to it. I just kind of laughed and asked if he wanted me to throw it away or something because he didn’t hint towards it or anything. Juliet and him both laughed and Lovejoy told me Juliet would know what to do. And that she did. In order to promote recycling, you HAVE to bring an empty glass bottle in exchange for a new one. If you don’t turn in a glass one, you can’t buy a drink from a glass bottle. You can buy a can, but they’re twice the price. So everyone basically has to carry around an empty glass bottle if there’s ever a chance that they’d like a drink. I thought this was somewhat bizarre, but extremely effective in make sure they are recycled. The funny this is, I’d previously thrown away two glass bottles since I’ve been here. I honestly didn’t think anything of it, but now I guess I understand why people were looking at me funny for throwing away my “trash.” Ironically enough, I thought they were looking at me funny because I had actually gone out of my way to throw something in a trashcan rather than just litter like majority of the people do. It made me sick to my stomach the first time I saw even Pastor Lovejoy roll down his window and throw some trash out, but as time has progressed and I’ve realized that everyone does it, I’ve ALMOST gotten used to it. I still can’t stomach the idea of trashing God’s earth myself, but I’m beginning to understand that I shouldn’t judge people here for doing so since it’s all they’ve ever known. I mean, heck, the streets – if you can call them that – are so trashed anyways, it almost feels like what’s a little piece of paper going to do to hurt it.

Oh joy, as I’m sitting in bed here typing this, I hear our newest companions at work. The spiders are here to stay, of course, but now someone else has come to join the party. There are now many crickets in the house as well. They tend to freak me out a bit when they jump on me, but they’re ok. The companions that I’m referring to, however, are the rats.

Juliet warned me about them a couple of days ago. Apparently she had one crawl on her in the middle of the night the other night. I wasn’t sure whether to believe her or not, until I started hearing them for myself. Today I could hear them scampering around in the ceiling. I could even distinctly hear their little squeaks, which really freaked me out. Sakuru Stan killed one today as well, so they are no figment of the imagination. And lucky me, right now I can hear one gnawing on something in my room. I can’t quite place where it’s coming from, but I’m really hoping it’s nothing valuable of mine. Even more than that, however, I hope that these rats don’t like the taste of American in the middle of the night. Ah! I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty paranoid right now. I’ve gotten used to the spiders, yes, but rats seem to be on a whole different level to me right now. Who knows, though, maybe they’ll be my new favorite pets by the time I’m flying home. Aunt Maureen, I’m sure you could train one of these guys into Gouda the Second pretty quickly…

Now, speaking of Aunt Maureen, I have to defend myself. This is in absolutely no way intended to be spiteful or anything of the likes. I would have just replied to you directly, but I want to clear things up with everyone that may feel the same way. My aunt left a “now hear this” comment a few days ago. She brought up some very good points, and I thoroughly respect and appreciate that she’s willing to put herself out there and risk hurting my feelings in order to help me in the end. I do have to clarify some things, though, that she brought to my attention. I don’t want people to perceive me as constantly wallowing in self-pity. I write this blog to contain my deepest, darkest thoughts. I seriously considered just including the frilly, happy things, but then who is to know when I’m actually growing or see the journey that I’m going through. I am far from perfect. Although my parents did a good job at raising us kids to not be complete spoiled brats (I hope, at least), I still have grown up in a privileged community and have much to learn about the “real world.” I would like to believe that those reading this will gain so much more through my experiences if I am honest and relate them from the eyes of a typical American youth. I don’t want to hold anything back, even if I do come across as selfish or bratty. I want this blog to be an open door to my heart and emotions.

With that being said, however, please know that whether I like it or not, I recognize that I am representing all Americans while I’m here. Therefore, I have a smile on my face 99% of the time. I may write about how miserable I am or whatnot, but I typically don’t let it show. I am working hard while I’m here and greeting everyone and being friendly. I can promise you that I’m nicer than 99% of the white people the people here have ever seen. I’ve been informed of that numerous times, and it is something that I’m proud of and will continue to act upon. I am the one that has recruited these guys into hanging out and spending time with me. Yes, I had my night to myself and blew off some of the people that were reaching out to me, but I have to take care of myself as well. I am constantly putting myself out there and putting the people here’s needs before my own. There are times when someone just needs to be alone, though. That was one of those times. I can’t say that I regret my selfish act, either. I needed it to learn from and grow. Yes I was upset. Yes I was consumed in myself, but sometimes a girl’s just gotta have a good cry, right?

And I did ask to get out of my comfort zone and experience this culture. At the same time, I’m here on a mission trip. I know that I cannot expect these people to change their culture to embrace me. I am doing all I know how to in order to live like them. I don’t always know what to do, but I’m observing and doing the best I can. And to be honest, the people here do, in fact, want to learn my culture. They recognize that America is prosperous and advanced for a reason. Pastor Lovejoy has even instructed me to show them my culture and teach them in many respects to be more like me because that’s how they’ll advance in life. Of course this has to be done in a thoughtful, respectable manner, but they do, in fact, want me to “change them” in many regards. Now the tough part is trying to gage which things are actually beneficial to their future and what things are just to make myself feel more comfortable. It’s all a learning experience, but I can assure you that I do not come across here as arrogant of our way of life or full of self-pity as I may in my writings. I apologize for any misguiding I may have led yall on in thinking that I conducted myself in such a manner here. I do only want to represent America in the best light and do whatever I can to help the people here, while taking in as much of it as I can at the same time. So thank you, Aunt Maureen, for pointing out how misleading my entries may have been. I don’t want to scare everyone that has supported me and encouraged me along the way!

Again, THANK YOU to everyone that has supported and encouraged me. You truly have no idea how much that means me to, and in turn, hopefully shows itself to the people here. I hope I have been able to share the love that I’ve received with the many people I come across every day. I especially want to thank Sam, the best big brother in the entire world. I read your letter today and only you can hit the mark exactly where I need it most. A million miles away and you always know the right thing to say. I love you so much big bro! (Not to mention the incredibly uplifting letters that also mean the world to me from my loving dad, Tay, Nathan, Darlene, etc. Oh, and while I was bed-ridden and couldn’t sleep, I was able to enjoy some of the movies from your collection Nathan, so THANK YOU!!!)

As for my spiritual walk, I’m still experiencing the dry-spell, but with a few glimmers of hope each day. I have been instructed to recognize the ‘treasures’ of each day and always be thankful for the blessings that I do have. It’s sad that I have forgotten this at times, but the reminders are a blessing in itself. Today I am thankful that I made it to the toilet each time I got sick and didn’t end up making a mess to clean up for myself. I’m thankful that the sun was shining through my window. I’m thankful that Juliet and I can laugh about how much Mbuya Evelyn dislikes me and I am challenged to love someone who doesn’t particular love me. I am thankful that she is here and that her sons are two of my best friends here. I am thankful for the love and enthusiasm that the people of Zimbabwe have and are sharing with me. And most of all, I am thankful to have a God that loves me even when I’m full of doubt and run from Him and His truth. I know that in the end, this experience will unfold to be the biggest blessing I’ve ever hoped for and that the Lord will protect me 100% of the way, even if that means I have to experience hardships along the way to get the full benefit. I am thankful to be right where I need to be right now – illness and all.

Update: I wrote this last night. Now it’s Thursday night and I spent another lovely day in bed sick. Fun week, let me tell ya…

2-8

Yesterday was really nice. I sadly spent most of the day working on the computer since I finally had some time and Internet access. (Keep in mind that what would take you probably an hour took me all day due to the incredible African connection.) Don and Willard continued to send me text messages the whole day yesterday apologizing and trying to get together. It’s interesting to see how much they really do care and how they react to having hurt me. I’ll probably get together with them later this week to put them out of their misery and because I really do like these guys a lot.

After being cooped up all day, I invited Luke and Isaiah to go on a walk with me. It was absolutely beautiful outside and we adventured through fields and compounds and hills. We went for a couple of miles, but it was so much fun that I forgot I went out for exercise! We saw a huge snake in a tree. They showed me this pretty dam and the governor’s house. We even went through a couple of people’s lands – Luke went through and then held the barbed wire fence apart for Isaiah and I to crawl through. It amazes me how friendly and giving everyone was. We would see the owners as we were breaking into their territory and they’d all just wave or greet us. Back home people get shot for this kind of stuff… I don’t get it, why is it so different? Meh, anyways, we also saw MONKEYS! They were too far away to see well, but they were playing up in the trees. Luke is planning on taking me out for a walk tonight at the time and place where I’ll hopefully see the monkeys better. Wild monkeys! I’m even a little nervous to be honest. But these guys know this area like you couldn’t even believe. I mean, I guess they’ve grown up here and all, but they knew exactly where they were going through random fields that we were covering our faces to get through due to how thick it was. I had no idea where we were at any point throughout the journey. Thank God I can trust these guys.

When I got home from our adventure, Pastor Lovejoy was gone. He had gone to pick up Juliet who had spent the weekend at her foster family’s house. I took a bath while they were gone and picked up a bit. But guess what – there was hot water for the bath!! Ok, so there was only hot water, but still. It’s so much easier to put in some scorching hot water and then fill it with the cold water in buckets than it is to have freezing cold water and have to boil up pots of water to add if you are desperate enough. I surprised myself at how happy I was to see Juliet walk through the door. We both ran to each other and hugged. I guess going through the loneliness of this weekend has helped me to appreciate the friends I do have here. I even felt a strange sense of comfort hearing her singing that usually just annoys me to no end when I hear it nonstop. Good ol’ Juliet.

To top off the night, Pastor Lovejoy brought home a pizza for dinner. Now this was no Double Dave’s or Pizza Hut pizza, but it sure did taste like a slice of heaven. It’s nice to change it up sometimes when you have sadza for every meal. Not to mention the American touch – it was the perfect ending to a comforting day.

After my little emotional breakdown there, I feel like a new person. I have such an immense sense of peace. I truly just feel content with myself and life. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still love to be home right now, but it’s not an overwhelming desperation. It’s like I’ve been cleansed for the time being. I’m coming to accept more and more each day that I’m here for a reason and God has a purpose for my time here. A very wise woman I know, Mrs. Hollier, reminded me that it takes 21 days to form a habit. I’m on day 18 and I’m starting to get into the swing of things.

This morning was somewhat hectic, but all part of the ride. Pastor Lovejoy has a meeting with the Vice President of Zimbabwe to complete the final touches to the water pipeline project we’re working on. We were in a hurry and of course there just happened to be extra traffic this morning. So he dropped Sankuru (“Uncle”) Stan, Juliet, and me off to find our own transportation to the Institute. Now, we were supposed to be painting in the Library more today and I didn’t expect to be going into town or anything, so I’m just wearing athletic shorts and a T-shirt. The entire journey from where we were dropped off, into town, and then onto High field where the Institute is located was full of hustle and bustle. People were all smashed into the Emergency Taxis (ETs) to get as much money as possible. Now I’m fairly used to these crazy rides by now, but it’s still just as exciting each time. In town, though, we had to walk a ways to catch the next ET to Highfield. Along the way, people were absolutely staring at me. This time, however, it wasn’t just because of the color of my skin. This time, it more so had to do with my short shorts. I didn’t want to wear anything nice in case they get covered in paint! Juliet and Sankuru Stan were laughing the whole time at the different comments we were getting and translating some for me. I was getting everything from “Is your friend (speaking to Juliet) naked??” to “We’ll give you a free ride in our ET with those legs.” It was rather embarrassing because I really don’t want to offend the culture, but I quickly made the choice to just do what I had to do and not let it bother me. There was nothing I could do at that point, so I just smiled at as many of the women as I could in an attempt to ease the problem I was causing with so much skin. You know what, though, back home these shorts are completely the norm. Heck, the ones I have on are actually considered somewhat “long” compared to many shorts girls are wearing in America. At least I am white so they are much more forgiving because they understand it’s just a cultural difference. If an African girl were to be wearing the same shorts as me, though, she’d be completely ostracized and made to put on a cover-up.

To top all of that off, turns out the extra paint was in Lovejoy’s car, so we aren’t even painting today! I would have been wearing a long skirt if it weren’t for our intentions of dirty work. Oh well, nothing to stress about, right?

So rather, Juliet and I are praying, praying, praying for Pastor Lovejoy’s meeting with the Vice President. I could tell he was somewhat stressed this morning and could use all the help he can get. I am also just busy doing office work, such as typing up a proposal that a woman has concerning the LEAD Health Care program. It was interesting to see how thoughtful people are about their people and nation of Zimbabwe.

I will be working at the Institute pretty much all day and then while Pastor LJ goes to a convention about Joice Meyers, I think, Juliet and I are going to go on another adventure with Luke and Isaiah. Luke is planning on taking me to see the monkeys up close tonight. We also have plans to go hiking along some mountains sometime and to see caves and the “locations” (aka the ghettos). It still amazes me at how well these guys know the land. They could tell you practically where every single little hidden path is or hole or anything. It always makes for a fun escapade. Hopefully I continue to make it back alive each time!

Note: I got dehydrated today and almost fainted. I drink so much water here, but I ran out of it at the Institute. I knew I needed to drink, but there was absolutely no purified water available. I knew I had to decide between fainting from dehydration or getting sick from drinking the tap water. I ended up just not drinking, but they went out and bought me tons of water (with my money, haha). It’s such a different concept not having water available. Back home you could find it anywhere… water fountains, water bottles, or even just drinking out of the tap – or hose for that matter. Here is a completely different story. But I’m thankful to now have some water, even if I do still feel weak. I think the lack of sleep I’ve gotten recently doesn’t help either. Pray for a good night’s rest tonight!

I took a day to relax today and work on this stuff. I was finally able to add a bunch of pictures… I tried to put as many as possible directly on here, but this didn’t cooperate too well. I have uploaded a bunch onto the “Zimbabwe” album on my facebook. Feel free to check them out!

Also, a huge thank you to Michael Smalley for getting on here and updating the overall page and changing the layout and such to make it most accessible. You’re a life saver!!!

On another note, I woke up this morning and had 11 new text messages and 7 missed calls. It’s funny, because I really do feel cleansed after all the tears and all the pain of yesterday. I woke up feeling refreshed (regardless of the lack of sleep I got). I can honestly say I am not mad at those guys even one bit. I have “forgiven” them – if that’s even necessary since it’s not like they meant to hurt me. I have told them numerous times that genuinely I am doing ok now and I’m not mad or upset. Even then, they continue to text me over and over again with things like:

“i really cnt find sleep coz o wat hapned 2dae, i knw dat u think dat we jus lyin africanz but dats not it & pliz do 4gv us”

(I know, the texting language is so annoying, but everyone seems to type like that here…)

“can we come over that side and spend the day with ya? pliz try 2 undstnd i knw we messed up ystday!”

“babes listen, pliz dnt react over emotions. may i pliz explain everything pliz?”

“im nw felin bad abt myself, may u pliz stat pickin up my calz” (I honestly did have my phone on silent and didn’t know they were calling)

“smbdy wishes dat u dnt feel bad, u be happy, u stop stresin, dat u 4gve him n dat smbdy z me”

So those were a few of the texts that I got. I kept telling them that honestly, I am over it and yes, I had been hurt, but I’ve truly forgiven them and that it’s ok. I even told them that although I probably can’t hang out today, that I’d like to definitely get together with them sometime this week. I mean it, too. They are nice guys and I really enjoyed hanging out with them, but dang, they are persistent!

I also got a text from my mom (through Skype) saying: “it was so good to talk to you today darlin, even though it seems all is going hard, especially face to face with all your deepest pain and loneliness and no way to sooth it, that is exactly where you need to be and exactly what you need to be dealing with, don’t run away from it, deal with it” “I’m so proud of you”

My mom is so right, too. This experience is the toughest thing I’ve ever been through, especially because I’m alone in it, but in the end, it will all have been a blessing. I know that is true. Moms always know exactly the right thing to say.

Oh, and also, to top it off, I got a text from Juliet (who has been gone at her foster family’s house all weekend) saying: “Hie Dany hw are you? Miss you so much dear! Gd day”

Now I have a large suspicion that Pastor Lovejoy has put these people up to this since he saw how distraught I was, but even if he did make them feel bad in knowing that I was hurt, it is still touching to see how hard they’re trying to make it up to me. Even annoying a bit because they’re so adamant about it, but even then, it does make me feel cared about.

Note: I just did some sneaking to discover that actually LJ didn’t have anything to do with how they responded. It was sincere. That just makes me feel even better… Oh, and Mbuya Evelyn is over making lunch and she actually waved in at me a smiled. That’s a first. I know she still doens’t like me at all, but it’s nice to at least get something decent from her. Thank you God.